The Compound and the Sacred Stockpile

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THE COMPOUND
a guided tour, conducted by the High Keeper

Welcome to the Compound. Please wipe your feet. The Compound is located in my driveway, between the Buick and the basketball goal, and it is open to the public every Thursday evening and whenever I'm out there anyway.

STOP 1: THE CIRCLE OF CHAIRS
Four folding lawn chairs arranged in a circle facing the cooler. The High Keeper's chair is the one with the cup holder. The green-and-white one with the broken strap is Mitch's, and it will stay broken until Mitch fixes it, which is why the Order keeps a roll of duct tape in the Sacred Cooler at all times.

STOP 2: THE SACRED COOLER
A 48-quart Coleman, red with a white lid. Contains: ice, root beer, and on a good Thursday, Irma's lemon bars in a Cool Whip tub. Anyone who sits on the Sacred Cooler must give up their seat to an Elder.

STOP 3: THE BEACON
Mitch's Coleman lantern. It is the Beacon of the Order and will light our way through the Long Dark Night after the Great Blinking. It is also how Walt finds his way back across the yard after the meeting. Mitch is still learning how to light it without saying words that can't go on a web page, hence "probationary."

STOP 4: THE SENTRY POST
An old bath mat by the garage door. Pickles is usually on it. She has guarded the Compound faithfully for ten months and in that time has let in every single person who ever showed up, plus the mailman, plus a possum.

STOP 5: THE VAULT
Also known as the metal shelves in the garage. This is where we keep the stockpile. See below. Please do not lean on the shelves, they wobble.

THE SACRED STOCKPILE
official inventory, counted out loud at the meeting of Thursday, September 23, 1999

ITEM	QTY	NOTES FROM THE KEEPER
Creamed corn	47	Two cases from the case-lot sale, minus one (see the Rotation Log). I thought I was grabbing whole kernel. We are committed now.
Chili, no beans	22	Mitch's side of the shelf.
Chili, with beans	19	Renee's side. The two sides do not touch. A split in the Order has been avoided so far.
Vienna sausages	30	Pickles knows exactly which shelf these are on.
Peaches in heavy syrup	16	Walt's dues, every single week, since February.
Cranberry sauce (the kind with the ridges)	2	Reserved for the New Year's Day feast. Do not touch.
Lima beans	3	Against the rules. Nobody will say who brought them. The investigation continues.
Saltines	9 sleeves	Stored in a Tupperware so they don't go soft. Irma's idea.
D batteries	64	We own two things that take D batteries.
Drinking water	12 gal.	Plastic jugs, under the shelf. The kiddie pool is Pickles' and is not part of the stockpile.
Hand-crank radio	1	Picks up two stations. Both are talking about Y2K.
Board games	4	Monopoly, Yahtzee (one die missing), Uno, and a Scrabble set that is really just the box.
Can openers	1 + 4	The Holy Relic, plus four backups. You can never have enough can openers. That is the whole philosophy of the Order, right there.

THE ROTATION LOG
Every Thursday we eat the oldest cans on the shelf and the new dues go in the back. This is the only real ritual we have and it is delicious about half the time.

Sept. 23	Chili (with beans) and saltines. Lemon bars. Pickles got a Vienna sausage for good behavior.
Sept. 16	Peaches. Rained, so we met in the garage. Mitch fell asleep in his chair and we let him.
Sept. 9	Creamed corn, first ceremonial can. Review: it is creamed corn. Forty-seven to go.
Sept. 2	Chili (no beans). Walt told the story about the ice storm again. It gets better every time.

THE PLAN FOR THE MORNING AFTER
If the Great Blinking comes to pass, we will sit in the Compound, eat cranberry sauce, and look at our VCRs sadly.

If it doesn't (and it won't), everybody walks over to the Nussbaums' for Walt's pancakes and we watch the bowl games. Then whatever is left on the shelves, creamed corn included, will go to the food pantry at our church the next Sunday. Renee is already talking to the pantry lady, so that part is actually real, and if you're in Broken Arrow and want to add a can to the pile, you know where the driveway is. Well, you don't. E-mail me.

<< BACK TO THE ORDER

The High Keeper: [email protected]
Stockpile last counted and page last updated Saturday, September 25, 1999