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HI!!! I'm ZEKE. I am 13 and I live in ARIZONA, home of the
PHOENIX LIGHTS. (In March 1997 there were giant lights over Phoenix and THOUSANDS of people
saw them. I was 11. I was asleep. I will NEVER forgive myself.) This page is about ME, my dog CHEWIE, and STUFF THAT IS TRUE. Some of it you will not believe. That is FINE. That is exactly what THEY want. |
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1. My name is Zeke. (TRUE.) 2. My favorite food is bean burritos. My second favorite food is ALSO bean burritos but from a different place. 3. I can burp the alphabet from A to M. I am working on N. N is HARD. 4. My dog is named Chewie because when he was a puppy he made the exact Chewbacca noise. He still does it when the mailman comes.  <-- Chewie. Well not really, but he looks JUST like this except browner and more handsome.5. Chewie understands English. Not just "sit." FULL SENTENCES. If I say "I wonder if there's any cheese left" in a NORMAL VOICE from the OTHER ROOM he is at the fridge before I finish. 6. Sometimes Chewie stares at the corner of the living room for a really long time. He SEES something. He won't tell me what, even though, see Fact #5, HE UNDERSTANDS ENGLISH. 7. I have seen a UFO. Ok it might have been a plane. But it might have been a plane that was ALSO a UFO. Nobody has proved it wasn't. 8. THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA IS A GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT. Think about it. The Tuesday meatloaf is the SAME COLOR as the Thursday pudding. Nobody I have asked knows what "Salisbury" means. And the lunch ladies wear hairnets, which is EXACTLY what you would wear if you were trying to keep your brain waves in. I am not saying anything. I am just saying. |
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» The one with the guy who can squeeze through AIR VENTS and only comes out every thirty years. I checked our air vent. Twice. There is a screwdriver next to my bed now just in case. » The one with the giant worm man in the sewer. I did not use the bathroom at night for a WEEK. » The one at the ice station in Alaska where worms get in everybody's neck and they all get mad and don't trust each other. Kind of like my family on a car trip. » The black-and-white one with the Frankenstein guy who loves Cher. My mom watched this one with me and she laughed so hard she snorted. » The one with the killer cockroaches where Mulder keeps calling Scully on the phone. Mulder calls Scully more than my sister calls ANYBODY. » The Christmas one with the old ghost couple in the haunted house. Best Christmas special ever. Better than the claymation ones. I SAID IT. (it is probably in the cafeteria) |
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* Bigfoot is real but SHY. Leave him alone. * Aliens did not fly a billion miles just to look at cows. Something ELSE is going on. * Pluto is a planet and ALWAYS WILL BE. * The Lone Gunmen should get their own show. * Y2K is going to be fine. My dad bought 40 cans of chili just in case, so if it is NOT fine, we are going to be fine WITH CHILI. * Chewie is the best dog in Arizona. Maybe the world. Maybe OTHER WORLDS. * Some day I will find actual proof of SOMETHING and be on the news. * My mom works too hard. She has two jobs and she still makes pancakes every Saturday, even the weird-shaped ones I ask for. When I get famous from the aliens I am going to buy her a hot tub and she is not allowed to do dishes ever again. (that last one isn't weird. it's just true.) |
