| 1 |
Wipe your hand. On your jeans, on a bar towel, on the guy next to
you if he'll let you. A wet hand slips on the ball and a slip is a slice. I keep a dry napkin in my back pocket just
for this. |
| 2 |
Stand square to the machine. Feet apart, weight even, close enough
that your elbow stays bent when your hand is on the ball. If you have to reach, you'll pull the ball off line every
time. Put your drink down. Not on the cabinet. |
| 3 |
Pick the club. The machine hands you a club for the shot. On a
calm day it's usually close. Into the wind, I go up a club. With the wind behind me, I go down one and swing easy
rather than try to take something off a big club. |
| 4 |
Look at the wind arrow. Every shot. It tells you which way the wind
is blowing and how hard. Aim into it so the wind brings the ball back to where you want it. A strong crosswind can
move a long shot a lot more than you'd think. I lost more balls to the wind my first year than to everything else
together. |
| 5 |
Set your aim, then forget about it. Once you've lined it up, stop
fiddling. The more you adjust, the more you start thinking, and thinking is bad for a golf swing, real or otherwise. |
| 6 |
Hand on the ball. I lay the flats of my first two fingers on the
ball, on the near side, with the rest of my hand relaxed behind them. Not a grip. Think of how you'd hold a baby
bird, if a baby bird were made of hard plastic and about to cost you a quarter. |
| 7 |
The backswing: draw it straight back. Roll the ball toward you,
smooth, in a straight line toward your belt buckle. Don't yank it. Don't stop and start. If your backswing goes
crooked, your swing will too. |
| 8 |
The swing: roll it straight forward. Without stopping at the top,
roll the ball forward, away from you, straight at the screen. How hard you come through decides how far it goes.
For a full drive, you're coming through quick and firm. Not slamming. Firm. |
| 9 |
Follow through. Let your fingers keep going right off the top of the
ball. If you stop your hand on the ball, you'll slow it down at the last second and come up short, or you'll twist it
off line. Same as real golf, I'm told. I wouldn't know. |
| 10 |
Hooks and slices: roll off line on purpose. When your swing comes
through on a slant instead of straight, the ball curves. That's what's happening when you hook it into the trees by
accident. Do it on purpose, a little at a time, and you can bend a shot around a dogleg. Practice it in small amounts.
Slant a little and see how much it curves. Slant a little more. Learn which slant does what on the machine you play,
and write it down if you have to. I did, on the back of a business card, and it's still in my wallet. |
| 11 |
Short shots: slow down, don't shorten up. For a chip or a short
approach, use the same straight back, straight through, only slower and softer. The hardest thing in this game is a
gentle swing. Your hand wants to go hard. Make it go easy. |
| 12 |
Putting: read it, then roll it smooth. Take a look at the green and
figure which way it falls before you do anything. Aim for the high side, not the hole. Then a short draw back and a
smooth push. Don't jab at it. Most of my bad rounds came down to two or three lazy putts. Be patient on the greens.
Nobody's waiting except the guy with his quarters on the glass, and he can wait. |
| 13 |
Practice one thing at a time. When I'm working on something, I'll
play a whole nine and think about only that one thing. Nine holes of nothing but follow-through. Nine holes of nothing
but reading the wind. You can't fix everything at once on a trackball any more than you can on a real course. Not
that I've fixed anything on a real course. |
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