Bonjour, and welcome aboard! I'm Leon Barr. I was born on the bayou in 1948, and I lived in a houseboat out in the Basin till I was nine, when my family moved out to the levee like most everybody else did back then. I shrimped in the Gulf for twenty years, and when my back and the price of shrimp both gave out on me about the same time, I came home to the swamp I grew up in and bought a boat with a roof on it. That was 1994. I've been showing people the Atchafalaya ever since, and I still haven't run out of things to show them.

The Atchafalaya Basin is the biggest river swamp in this country, and it's the prettiest place on God's earth, cher. I'm not saying that because I live here. I'm saying it because it's true.

Two hours on the water in a covered, flat-bottom boat that seats twenty. The motor is quiet, so we can hear the birds and sneak up on things. We leave the landing, run down the canal and slip back into the cypress and tupelo swamp, where the Spanish moss hangs down so low you can almost touch it. We'll look for alligators, egrets and herons, turtles stacked on the logs, and nutria if they're out. We'll go by the old cypress stumps the loggers left a hundred years ago, some of them wider than my boat, and I'll show you where the crawfishermen set their traps in the spring.

I talk the whole time, and I'll teach you a little Cajun French whether you want it or not. Somewhere in the two hours I'll tell you one story that isn't true. You have to guess which one. Nobody's guessed right yet.

See What You'll See for the list of birds, reptiles and trees we find out there, and Cajun French for the Boat so you can talk back.

Closed Mondays and Thanksgiving Day. Get to the landing fifteen minutes early. The boat leaves on time, because the gators don't wait and neither do I. The sunset tour is the one to take if you can: the birds all come in to roost at once, and you won't forget it.

The sunset tour is the same price. Cash, checks and traveler's checks. Reservations are a good idea on Saturdays and holiday weekends, but if there's a seat, you can walk right on.

• Fifteen or more adults: $12 a person.
• School groups: $6 a student, and teachers and chaperones ride free, one grown-up for every ten kids. I've done a lot of fourth grades. I can talk about food chains and wetlands till the teacher begs me to stop.
• Charter the whole boat for two hours, up to twenty people: $250. Good for family reunions, church groups, birthday parties, and one marriage proposal so far. (She said yes.)

Call at least a week ahead for groups, longer in October.

• A hat, sunglasses and sunscreen. The roof covers most of the boat, but not all of it.
• Bug spray. I said it already, and I'll say it again.
• Your camera, and more film than you think. Get 400 speed if you can. It's shady under the trees.
• Binoculars, if you have some. I have two pair on the boat to pass around.
• A light jacket after the middle of October. It's cool on the water in the morning, even when it's warm on the levee.
• Something cold to drink. I keep an ice chest of sodas and water on the boat, a dollar apiece.

Leave the beer in the truck. No alcohol on the boat. You can have one after, and I might join you.

A little rain doesn't stop us. The boat is covered, and the swamp is pretty in the rain, and the gators don't mind getting wet. If there's lightning, we don't go out, period. We'll wait it out if it's passing through, or put you on a later tour, or give you your money back, whichever you like. If I cancel a tour, you get every dollar back. If you can't make it, call the landing by 8:00 that morning and we'll move you to another day.

1. Nobody feeds the gators. Not a cracker, not a marshmallow, nothing. A gator that gets used to people feeding it stops being afraid of people, and that's the end of that gator. I want them around when your grandkids come.
2. Hands and feet inside the boat. This one is not a joke.
3. Stay seated while we're moving. I'll stop for pictures. I always stop for pictures.
4. Nothing goes over the side but your eyes. Trash goes in the can.
5. Leave the Spanish moss on the tree. The moss that's been lying on the ground can carry redbugs, and you'll be scratching all the way home to wherever you came from.

Cypress Bend Landing is on the levee road on the west side of the Atchafalaya Basin, a few miles off I-10 between Lafayette and Baton Rouge. Come off the interstate at the exit on the west end of the Basin bridge, go south on the levee road, and follow the green signs with the white heron on them. If you find yourself driving across the whole bridge over the swamp, you went too far. Turn around and come back. There's a gravel lot by the landing, and a clean restroom, which you will want to visit before we leave.

After the tour you'll be hungry, and every little town around here has a place for crawfish, boudin or a plate lunch. If you're here on a Saturday night, go dancing. There's a page right here on the Bayou, Cajun Dance Hall Saturdays, that explains the Cajun two-step and waltz and the manners at the dance halls, from a couple who tell you where they go dancing every weekend.

Call me at (555) 555-0182 or write to [email protected]. If I don't answer the phone, I'm on the water. Leave a message and I'll call you back after the last tour.

À la prochaine, cher. Till next time.
Leon