Say It Anyway - a page about stuttering by a guy who does

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S-s-say It Anyway.
a page about stuttering, by a guy who does | the phone log | if you're talking to me | write me

Hi. My name is M-M-M-

...

Matt. Sorry, that one takes a while. M is my worst letter, and my own name is the hardest word I know, which I think is a pretty rotten joke for the universe to play on a person. Matt Prewitt. 22. Senior at a big state school in Michigan, history major, planning to student teach in the spring. Yes, a teacher who stutters. We'll get to that.

I have stuttered since I was about four. On paper I'm the most fluent guy you'll ever meet, which is why I love the Internet. On ICQ nobody knows you block on your M's. But I figured if I'm going to be fluent somewhere, I might as well use it to talk about the thing I can't talk about out loud. So this is that.

STUTTERING 101 (short version, from a guy, not a doctor)

About 1 out of every 100 adults stutters. About four times as many men as women.

Lots of little kids go through a stuttering phase and most of them grow out of it. Some of us don't.

It is NOT caused by being nervous, or dumb, or by your parents doing something wrong. Nobody knows exactly what causes it. It tends to run in families. My grandpa did it and nobody ever talked about it.

Being nervous can make it worse. That's different from causing it. Think of it like a limp that gets worse when you're tired.

There are three main flavors. Repetitions (b-b-b-ball). Prolongations (sssssssunday). And blocks, where you get stuck and nothing comes out at all. Blocks are my big one. It feels like pushing on a door that someone is holding shut from the other side.

A lot of us do extra stuff trying to push through: blink, nod, tap a foot. Speech people call these secondary behaviors. I used to snap my fingers. I don't anymore.

And a LOT of us hide it. We switch words, pretend we forgot, let other people order for us. I ordered a number three at every drive-thru for most of high school because "three" came out and "barbecue" didn't. I don't even like the number three.

WHAT HELPED ME

Speech therapy, round one (2nd grade). I got pulled out of class twice a week and I hated it, mostly because of the pulling out part. I don't remember learning much. I don't blame the lady. I was seven and I wanted to be at recess.

Speech therapy, round two (sophomore year of college). Our university has a speech clinic where graduate students work with clients, supervised by the professors. It's cheap for students. My clinician was a second-year grad student named Renee and she changed my life, and I told her so on her last day and blocked on "changed" and she waited and smiled and it was fine.

Very roughly, there are two big schools of thought in therapy. One teaches you a new, smoother way of talking so you stutter less. The other teaches you to stutter more easily, with less tension and less fear, so the stutters that do come are short and don't run your life. A lot of therapists mix both. Renee and I did mostly the second kind, and for me that was right. The best thing I learned: stuttering on purpose, loose and easy, in front of people. It sounds crazy. It took the fear out. When you've stuttered on purpose to a cashier at Meijer and lived, the real ones don't scare you as much.

I'm not saying that's the right kind for you. If you want help, find a speech-language pathologist who knows a lot about stuttering (not every one does, it's a specialty). The American Speech-Language-Hearing Association can help you find one, and so can a university with a speech clinic. Ask them how they work before you sign up.

Other stutterers. Until I was twenty I had never met another adult who stuttered. Renee sent me to a self-help group that meets once a month in a church basement near campus. There's a national self-help organization for people who stutter with chapters all over the country, so ask around, or ask a speech clinic. The first night, a guy in his fifties who runs a car dealership introduced himself with a block that lasted maybe ten seconds and nobody in the room even blinked. I went home and sat in my car and cried. Good crying.

Advertising. Now when I meet someone I sometimes just say, "Hey, I stutter, so give me a sec." It's like letting air out of a balloon. They relax, I relax, I stutter less. Funny how that works.

This page. You're reading it.

IF YOU'RE TALKING TO ME (or anybody who stutters)

Wait. Just wait. I know it's awkward. It's more awkward for me.

Please don't finish my words. You'll guess wrong half the time, and then I have to decide whether to correct you or just go with "yeah, tacos" when I meant tuna.

Please don't say "slow down," "relax," or "take a breath." I promise I have thought of that.

Keep looking at me like normal. When people look away it feels like I've done something embarrassing.

Listen to WHAT I'm saying, not how. It's usually worth the wait. (Usually.)

If it's on the phone, don't hang up on the silence. That's me. I'm here.

COMPANY I KEEP

Some people who have talked publicly about stuttering: James Earl Jones, yes, THAT voice, who has said he stuttered so badly as a kid that he barely spoke for years. Mel Tillis, the country singer, who stutters when he talks and not when he sings. Carly Simon. Bill Walton, the basketball player, who learned to talk well enough in his twenties to become a broadcaster. If they can, I can stand up in front of a class of eighth graders. I think.

(And yes, I know about Porky Pig. Everybody always tells me about Porky Pig. I have mixed feelings about Porky Pig. I have even more mixed feelings about the guy in A Fish Called Wanda.)

ABOUT THE TEACHING THING

People ask, gently, if I'm sure about teaching. I am. I've subbed a little and done a practicum, and the kids get over it in about two days, faster than the adults. I tell them on the first day. One girl told me her little brother stutters and she said I was "like him but tall." Best review I've ever had. I figure a kid who stutters in my class is going to see a teacher who does it too and still gets to talk. I'd have liked that at seven.

THE PHONE LOG
This summer I made myself one phone call a day for a month, the kind I used to beg my roommate to make for me. I kept a log. Here it is.

WRITE ME
If you stutter, or your kid does, or you just have a question, e-mail is my favorite way to talk (big surprise). I answer everybody, sometimes slowly because of midterms.
[email protected]

you are person number

to let me finish my sentences since November 1997. thanks.
Last updated Wednesday, September 22, 1999. This page is just my own experience, not medical advice. If you or your kid stutters, go see a speech-language pathologist.