In a move Dining Services called "a bold step for the campus palate," the main dining hall introduced its eleventh flavor of Jell-O at dinner Thursday, joining lime, cherry, orange, strawberry, lemon, grape, raspberry, black cherry, "red," and the cubes that are clearly just lime again.

The new flavor, which officials would describe only as "seasonal," is tan. Students who tried it compared the taste to "fall," "the color tan" and "a sweater." One sophomore said it reminded him of his grandmother's house, though he could not say which part.

A Dining Services spokesperson said the eleventh flavor was the result of "months of listening to students." Asked which students, the spokesperson pointed in the general direction of the salad bar and left.

The Gnat has learned that a twelfth flavor is being considered for spring. It is believed to be beige.

After exhausting "No," "Lot Full," "Wrong Zone," "Waitlisted" and "Have You Considered the Bus," the Parking Office announced Tuesday that it has developed a new way to tell students they cannot park anywhere.

The new response, a tri-fold brochure titled Understanding No, explains in full color the history of the word, its many uses, and why it applies to you in particular. The brochure is available at the Parking Office window, which is open from 10:00 to 10:20 a.m. on alternate Wednesdays.

Students who lose the brochure may purchase a replacement for $35, or receive one free with their next ticket.

A freshman who set out to find his Monday-Wednesday-Friday sociology section on the first day of classes is still looking for Room 114B, now in his fourth week.

The search has taken him through three buildings, two basements and one door marked "Mechanical" that he describes as "probably not it." Upperclassmen confirm that Room 114B exists. One senior told the Gnat he saw it once, in 1997, from a distance.

The campus map lists 114B in the building with the scaffolding, which narrows it down to eleven buildings.

The freshman says he is in good spirits and has learned a great deal about the campus, plus most of the sociology, which he picked up by standing in hallways. He has been invited to sit in on the final.

Students who use the fourth-floor quiet study area of the main library say the floor has become "too quiet," "eerie" and "honestly kind of a lot."

"Somebody dropped a pencil on Wednesday and three people apologized," said one junior, in writing. Another student reported that she has been on the fourth floor so long she can hear the fluorescent lights "having a conversation."

Library staff have responded by adding a sign that says QUIET FLOOR in slightly smaller letters. A proposal to allow one sneeze per hour is under review.

Work started Friday on a new chain-link fence around the construction site behind the science building, which has been fenced since 1996. The new fence will protect the old fence while the old fence is being replaced. Completion is expected "eventually," according to a sign on the fence.

To the Editor: Your story last week said the line at the Bursar's Office was "two hours long." I would like to correct this. I have been in it for three hours, and I am writing this letter from it.
— Still in Line, Sophomore

To the Editor: Why is it called the Daily Gnat if it only comes out on Mondays?
— Curious, Second Floor

The Editors reply: Why is it called the Student Union if we're not allowed to sit in the lounge after ten?

To the Editor: Please stop writing about the Jell-O. My mother reads this.
— Name Withheld, Dining Services Fan

In last week's issue we reported that the dining hall offered nine flavors of Jell-O. It offered ten. We regret the error, and we regret the tenth.

The Gnat misspelled its own name in last week's masthead. It is spelled with a G. The G is silent, like most of our readers during an 8 a.m.

A story in our Labor Day issue said that nobody on campus did any labor that day. We have since learned that the grounds crew mowed the quad. We apologize to the grounds crew, and thank them for the quad.

ABOUT THE GNAT
The Daily Gnat is written every Sunday night by Brandon Rodriguez and Jared Leyba, two sophomores at State who should be studying. It started in January 1999 as one sheet of paper taped to the door of our dorm room. By February people were stopping to read it on the way to the bathroom, and the RA asked us to put it somewhere "with less foot traffic." So now it's here, and on the door, every Monday morning.

The Daily Gnat is a spoof. It has nothing to do with the university, its administration, or the real student newspaper, which comes out every weekday and does actual journalism. Please don't call the Parking Office about anything you read here. They're having a hard enough week.

We make fun of offices, buildings, lines, and the Jell-O. Never people. If you think we've crossed a line, tell us and we'll fix it in Corrections, which as you can see we're very good at.