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Sundays in the fall go like this. Church at nine. Home by ten-thirty. John lights the grill at eleven
no matter what the weather is doing, and he means no matter what. Kickoff at noon. After that, nobody
is responsible for anything they say until about three.
Feeds: the four of us, Grandpa Marv, and whoever wanders over from next door
You need:
10 fresh bratwurst, the raw kind, from the meat market (not the precooked ones; we have standards)
3 cans of beer
2 big yellow onions, sliced into rings
half a stick of butter
10 hard rolls
brown mustard, more sliced onion, sauerkraut if you're that kind of person
Do this:
1. In a big pan on the stove, melt the butter, throw in the onions and let them go soft.
2. Add the beer and the brats. Bring it up to a simmer, not a boil. Boil them hard and they split
and all the good stuff runs out, and then you have to listen to me complain. Simmer about fifteen
minutes.
3. Take them out to the grill. Medium coals. Turn them a lot. You want them brown all over, about ten
minutes. Do not poke them with a fork. I see you.
4. Put the brats back in the pan with the beer and onions and set it on the edge of the grill. That's
the hot tub. They stay in there all game, and they stay hot.
5. Serve on a hard roll with brown mustard and the onions out of the pan. If you're hungry, put two on
one roll. That's a double, and it's allowed.
House rule: no ketchup on a brat. We don't care what you do at your house.
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Karen's note: the kids get the brats too, of course. The beer cooks off. They get root beer
in a cup with a Packers logo, and they think it's the best thing in the world.
| SCHEDULE B: BYLAWS OF THE COUCH |
Adopted by the family over several seasons. Each one has its author. Votes are out of four
(John, Karen, Zach, Katie). The dog abstains.
| Art. I | The left end of the couch is Dad's spot. Nobody sits in it during a game, including the dog. (John. Passed 3–1, Katie opposed.) |
| Art. II | If the Packers are winning, nobody changes seats, gets up, or changes their socks. (John. Passed 4–0.) |
| Art. III | No talking on third down. (Zach. Passed 3–1, Mom opposed, because she has things to say.) |
| Art. IV | No Bears, Vikings or Lions clothing in the house. Guests will be offered a sweatshirt. (John. Passed 4–0.) |
| Art. V | If anybody throws anything at the TV, the TV goes off. Anybody. (Karen. Passed 2–2, chair breaks tie in Mom's favor, because the chair wants to keep eating dinner.) |
| Art. VI | After a touchdown, everybody does the touchdown dance. Everybody. Mom too. (Katie. Passed 3–1, Mom opposed, Mom dances anyway.) |
| Art. VII | At halftime the kids clear the plates and the grownups clear the wrappers. (Karen. Passed 2–2, Mom's tiebreak, see Art. V.) |
| Art. VIII | The phone goes to the machine from noon to the final gun. Grandma knows. (John. Passed 4–0.) |
| Art. IX | Nobody complains about being cold when we watch the late game out at the garage. You weren't at the Ice Bowl. (Grandpa Marv, honorary member. Not voted on. Not necessary.) |
John's note on Art. V: the chairman of the couch is apparently not the chair of the meeting.
Nobody told me that when I bought the share.
SCHEDULE C: LEAP PRACTICE
by Zach and Katie |
ZACH: The Lambeau Leap is when a Packer scores a touchdown and jumps up into the stands at the end
zone and the fans catch him. LeRoy Butler did it first, against the Raiders on the day after Christmas in
1993, and now everybody does it. We can't jump into people in the yard (Mom), so here's how we do it.
THE GARDNER BACKYARD LAMBEAU LEAP
1. Dad rakes all the leaves into one giant pile at the back fence. That's the stands.
2. We set two lawn chairs up on the end line. That's the wall.
3. You have to actually score first. No free Leaps. (Katie.)
4. Run, jump, turn around in the air if you can, land in the leaves.
5. Somebody has to pat you on the helmet. If you don't have a helmet, on the hat.
6. Mom has to be watching from the kitchen window. That's the rule. (Mom.)
7. When it snows, the leaf pile is the snowbank. That's the best Leap of the year, because that's what
real Lambeau looks like in December.
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KATIE: I can turn all the way around. Zach can't. He says he can. He can't.
ZACH: I gave Katie's best Leap a 9 out of 10. She wanted a 10. Nobody gets a 10 in the yard. You have
to do it at Lambeau to get a 10. That's my rule as the scorer.
KATIE: Someday we will go to Lambeau and I will get a 10.
GO PACK GO
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[email protected] · Last updated Saturday, September 25, 1999
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