When you're sitting across from a caseworker and looking at a picture of a child, you forget every question you meant to ask. We did. We made this list afterward, mostly out of the things we wished we'd known sooner. Caseworkers can't always tell you everything, and sometimes they don't know. But you're allowed to ask, and a good caseworker is glad you did. Ours was.
-- Mary

The child's history

• How old was the child when he came into care, and how many places has he lived since?
• Why did each move happen? (Not just "the placement disrupted." What happened?)
• What does the child know and understand about why he's in foster care?
• Is there a life book, with pictures and a record of where he's been? If not, can his caseworker and foster parents help start one?
• Who has been the most important grown-up in his life so far? Can he stay in touch with that person?

Health

• Can we see the medical records, including shots, allergies, hospital stays and any diagnoses?
• What medications does he take, who prescribed them, and why?
• Is there family medical history we should know?
• Who is his doctor and his dentist now, and when did he last see them?

School

• Where are all of his school records? Can we have copies before placement?
• Has he ever been tested or evaluated for special education? Is there an IEP?
• How many schools has he attended? What grade level is he really working at?
• Who was a teacher he liked? Could we call her?

Behavior, plainly

• What are the hardest behaviors his foster parents have seen? When do they happen?
• What calms him down? What makes things worse?
• Has he seen a counselor or therapist? Can that continue, or can we talk to that person?
• Can we talk to his current foster parents without the caseworker in the room?

That last one sounds rude. It isn't. Foster parents will often tell you the small everyday things, like what he eats for breakfast, which nightlight he likes, and what he's afraid of, that never make it into a file.
-- Mike

Birth family and brothers and sisters

• Does he have brothers or sisters? Where are they? Can they stay in touch, or be placed together?
• Is there contact with his birth parents or grandparents now? Visits, letters, phone calls?
• What contact will continue after an adoption, and who decides?

The legal side

• Have parental rights been terminated? If not, what's the plan and the timeline?
• Is there an appeal pending?
• Is this a foster placement, a foster-adopt placement, or an adoptive placement? What does that mean for us?

Help after placement

• Does he qualify for adoption assistance and Medicaid? What do we need to do, and when? (Before the adoption is final!)
• Is there respite care, so we can have an evening off now and then?
• Will the therapy he needs be paid for?
• Who do we call at two in the morning?

The move itself

• How many visits before he moves in? Can they go slowly?
• Can he bring everything he owns, and can we bring a real suitcase for him instead of a sack?
• Can he finish the school year where he is?
• How will his foster family say goodbye? Can he visit them afterward?

We asked about half of these. We wish we'd asked all of them. We still would have said yes.
-- Mary