Folks have been kind enough to send me their own jokes, and the good Lord has been kind enough to make most of them clean. Here are the best of this year's offering. I grade the way I graded sermons at the district preachers' meeting, by candles:

Nobody gets less than one candle. I never had the heart to give a sermon none, either.

From Ted Frazier, Ohio
My grandson asked me why I always pray before I go fishing but never before I mow the grass. I told him the grass has never once gotten away.
Four candles. Ted, I used this one at a men's breakfast in August and I gave you full credit, which is more than most preachers would do.

From James Spruill, North Carolina
At our church the sign-up sheet for covered-dish suppers says last names A through M bring a main dish, and N through Z bring a dessert. My wife has gone back to her maiden name every third Sunday for eleven years so she can bring her pecan pie.
Four candles. James, if the pie is as good as the joke, the church ought to let her keep both names.

From Barbara Calhoun, Indiana
I asked my Sunday school class why Moses was up on the mountain so long. A little girl in the front said, "He was waiting on the copier."
Three candles. Lois laughed out loud, and she spent twenty years in the church office with a copier that worked about as fast as stone tablets.

From Anita Reitz, Pennsylvania
Our church doesn't have a bell tower. We have a bell tower committee. It has been meeting since 1987, and the bell sounds lovely in the minutes.
Four candles. Anita, I have served on that committee. It met in every church I ever had, under different names.

From Al Spinks, Kentucky
Our preacher announced that the church van needed new tires and there'd be a special offering. The next Sunday the plate came back with eleven dollars, a coupon for an oil change and a tire gauge.
Three candles. Al, I believe I know that van. I believe it was mine for four years.

From Cheryl Lucier, Michigan
Our choir director told us to sing like no one was listening. My husband said the congregation had been doing their part on that for years.
Two candles. Cheryl, tell your husband he can join the choir any Wednesday night and show us how it's done. They always need tenors.

From Vincent Rogers, Tennessee
I told my wife I turn my hearing aid down during the sermon to save the battery. She said I have saved enough battery by now to run it until the Second Coming.
Two candles. Vincent, I preached to men like you for thirty-eight years, and I want you to know we could always tell.

From Robert Cantin, Maine
Up here we don't say the sermon ran long. We say the preacher got his money's worth out of the woodstove.
One candle, and a warm one. Robert, I didn't laugh, but I sat and thought about it a good while, and then I put another log on. That's worth something.

A Fellow Laborer
If one joke a week isn't enough for you, Gene out in Tulsa puts up a fresh one every weekday morning at Gene's Clean Joke of the Day. He spent thirty-four years with the phone company, and his rule is that every joke has to be clean enough to tell in the church fellowship hall. That's my rule too. He also won't put one up unless his wife June laughs, which is a stricter rule than mine, since Lois has been laughing at me out of kindness since 1957.

To Send a Joke
Write to me at [email protected]. It has to be your own, or told your own way. It has to be clean enough for the women's circle. And it can't be at anybody's expense but your own, your preacher's, or Noah's. Noah's been gone long enough that he can take it.