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Family Reviews
the games in our house, rated by the people who play them and the people who pay for them

Home  |  The Ones We Said No To

For each game: the system, the rating on the box, what the kids say (in their own words; we typed while they talked), what we say, and stars out of five. The kids give their own stars. Ours are for whether we'd recommend it to another family.


Spyro the Dragon
PlayStation  ·  Rated E  ·  Played by Victoria and Andrew

Victoria says: "Spyro is a purple dragon and he breathes fire and he charges with his horns. The other dragons got turned into statues and you have to save them. Sparx is his dragonfly and he changes color when you get hurt. I like the sheep. When you get the sheep they turn into butterflies and Sparx eats them." Kids' stars: ★★★★★ ("a hundred stars")

Mom and Dad say: Our favorite game in the house, for the youngest one. The worlds are bright and pretty, there's no blood, the bad guys are cartoon creatures who mostly run away, and there's a lot of exploring and collecting gems. Victoria needs help on the flying levels, which is where Rule 6 came from. It's long, so it's good value. Parents' stars: ★★★★★

Andrew wanted us to tell you about Tessa's Crash and Spyro Page, by a ten-year-old girl in Arizona who found every dragon in Spyro. He has been using her tips and would like everyone to know he's almost caught up.


Pokemon Red and Pokemon Blue
Game Boy  ·  Rated E  ·  Played by Andrew (Blue) and Catherine (Red)

Andrew says: "You're a kid and you catch Pokemon and train them and battle the gym leaders. There's 150 and you can't get them all in one game, you have to trade, that's why Catherine has Red. Blastoise is the best. They don't die, they faint, and you take them to the Pokemon Center." Kids' stars: ★★★★★

Catherine says: "It's actually really good. I didn't want to like it." Kids' stars: ★★★★

Mom and Dad say: There's a lot of reading in this game, which we were glad to see. The battles are turn-based, like a card game, and when a Pokemon loses it faints and gets healed. Nothing scary. Our only concern is the craze around it: the cards, the cartoon, the toys, the cards again. The game itself we like very much. The two kids have to cooperate to finish it, and they do, mostly. Parents' stars: ★★★★

For tips, Andrew likes Caleb's Pokemon Center, by an eleven-year-old who explains how to beat every gym and the Elite Four.


Mario Kart 64
Nintendo 64  ·  Our box says K-A (the old name for E)  ·  Played by everybody

Catherine says: "Go-kart racing with the Mario people. Four people can play at once. Dad is Toad and he's really bad and he gets really into it." Kids' stars: ★★★★★

Mom and Dad say: The one game the whole family plays together, so it gets five stars no matter what. Victoria can play it from the start (she likes to drive the wrong way around the track, which is her right). You throw banana peels and turtle shells at each other; nobody gets hurt. There is a blue shell that hunts down whoever is in first place, and it has caused more shouting in our living room than any other object in the house, but it's good-natured shouting. Richard would like it known that he is not "really bad," he's "consistent." Parents' stars: ★★★★★


Banjo-Kazooie
Nintendo 64  ·  Rated E  ·  Played by Andrew and Catherine

Andrew says: "Banjo is a bear and Kazooie is a bird that lives in his backpack. A witch named Gruntilda stole his sister. You collect puzzle pieces called Jiggies and music notes. The witch talks in rhymes and she's mean but funny." Kids' stars: ★★★★

Mom and Dad say: A big, funny, colorful adventure. The witch insults you in rhyme the whole way through, and the bird is a smart mouth, which the kids think is hilarious and we can live with. It's long and some parts are hard; Catherine had to finish a couple of worlds for Andrew. Victoria found the witch a little scary and watches from the couch instead. Parents' stars: ★★★★


Super Smash Bros.
Nintendo 64  ·  Rated E  ·  Played by Andrew, and every boy on our street

Andrew says: "All the Nintendo guys fight each other. Mario and Pikachu and Link and Kirby. You don't have a life bar, you have a percent, and the higher it gets the farther you fly when they hit you, and you have to knock them off the stage. It's the best four-player game ever." Kids' stars: ★★★★★

Mom and Dad say: We'll be honest, we thought hard about this one, because it is a fighting game and Andrew is nine. We rented it first and watched. What we saw: cartoon characters bopping each other until somebody flies off the edge of the screen with a twinkle. No blood, nobody gets hurt in any way that looks like hurting, and it's so silly that the kids laugh more than they fight. The rating is E and we agree with it. We do limit it to two-hour stretches on weekends, because four nine-year-olds playing this get very loud. Parents' stars: ★★★★


RollerCoaster Tycoon
Windows computer  ·  Rated E  ·  Played by Catherine (and Connie, after bedtime)

Catherine says: "You build an amusement park and design the roller coasters yourself. You have to hire people to sweep up and fix the rides and keep the guests happy, and if your coaster is too intense they get sick. I have a park with nine coasters. My best one is called the Corkscrew Cannon." Kids' stars: ★★★★★

Mom and Dad say: This is the one we'd hand to any parent who thinks games are mindless. It's a business game. You have a budget, you set ticket prices, you take out a loan and pay interest on it, and if you build badly your park loses money. Catherine now understands interest better than some of Connie's customers. Connie is not going to say how many nights she has stayed up past eleven building a log flume. Parents' stars: ★★★★★


Crash Bandicoot
PlayStation  ·  We have the first one (K-A on our box) and Warped (E)  ·  Played by Andrew

Andrew says: "Crash is an orange bandicoot and you run and jump and spin and break boxes. The first one is SO hard. Warped is the best one, you ride a tiger and a jet ski and there's time trials. Aku Aku is the mask that protects you." Kids' stars: ★★★★★

Mom and Dad say: Cartoon slapstick, and when Crash loses a life it's in a silly way. Our only issue is how hard it is. The first one made Andrew so frustrated that we had a rule for a while that he had to take a five-minute break after losing ten lives in a row. He's gotten much more patient, and he finished Warped this summer by himself, which he was very proud of. Parents' stars: ★★★★


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Last updated September 19, 1999