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Two Hands Full
single moms helping single moms
About Me | Money Stuff | Cheap Supper | The Mom Swap | Mom Pals | Mama Tips

Hey girl!

If you're here, I bet you're a single mom, and I bet it's late, and I bet there's a pile of laundry on the couch next to you that you are ignoring. Me too. Pull up a chair!!

I'm Tamika Rollins. I'm 28, and I live in Kansas City with my two babies, Deja (8, going on 30) and Jalen (4, going on crazy). I've been doing this on my own since 1996. I work full time as a receptionist at a pediatric clinic, and two nights a week I go to school at the community college to be an LPN. I graduate next May, Lord willing and the car keeps running!

When I first ended up on my own I had a baby on my hip, a kindergartner, a car that made a noise like a cat in a blender, and about sixty dollars. I remember sitting in the grocery store parking lot crying because I'd done the math and it didn't work. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's easy now. But it WORKS now. And a big reason it works is other moms who showed me how. So this page is me passing it on.

What got me through

• My mama. She keeps the kids on my school nights and she has never once said "I told you so," though Lord knows she could.
• The ladies at church. They showed up with groceries the first month and never made me feel small about it.
• Saying YES when people offer help. This was the hardest thing for me. I was raised to handle my business. But if somebody offers to watch your kids for an hour, SAY YES and go take a nap.
• Other single moms. Which is why you're here!

Money Stuff Nobody Told Me
I'm not a lawyer or a tax lady, and programs are different in every state, so call and ask. But ask!! A lot of this I found out about years late.

Child support. If you're not getting it, your state has a child support enforcement office that can help, and it's free or real cheap. They can help find the other parent, get an order set up through the court, and have the support taken right out of his paycheck. It can be slow. Keep calling. Keep a notebook of every call and who you talked to.

The Earned Income Credit. If you work and you don't make much, you might get money back at tax time even if hardly any tax came out of your check. The first year I filed for it I got a check big enough to fix my car. There are free tax help places, usually at the library or a community center, run by volunteers. Don't pay somebody a big fee for a fast refund if you don't have to.

Health insurance for your kids. Congress passed a new program a couple years ago, and states have been starting up health coverage for kids whose parents work but can't afford insurance. My job doesn't cover dependents, and both my kids are on it now. Call your state's social services office and ask about health coverage for children.

WIC. If you have a baby or a child under five, or you're expecting, look into WIC. It helps with milk, cereal, juice, formula and such. I was embarrassed at first. Get over it, girl, it's there for our babies.

Help with child care. Most states have help paying for day care if you're working or in school and your income is low. Ask your state's social services office. There may be a waiting list, so get on it NOW.

School. If you want to go back to school, fill out the financial aid form and ask about a Pell Grant. That's what pays my tuition. You don't pay it back. Community college financial aid offices will help you with the paperwork. Ask for help, they see moms like us every day.

Cheap Supper of the Month

Tuna Noodle Casserole (my grandma's, feeds the three of us twice)

• 8 oz. bag of egg noodles
• 1 can tuna, drained
• 1 can cream of mushroom soup
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1 cup frozen peas
• a handful of crushed saltines or potato chips for the top

Heat your oven to 350. Cook the noodles and drain them. Stir in everything else except the crackers. Put it in a greased baking dish, sprinkle the crushed crackers on top, and bake about 25 minutes till it's bubbly. Jalen picks out the peas. Deja eats his peas. It works out.

The Mom Swap

This is the best thing I ever did. Five of us moms in my apartment complex started a babysitting swap in 1997. Here's how it works:

1. Everybody starts with 20 popsicle sticks. Each stick is worth a half hour of babysitting.
2. When I watch your kids for two hours, you give me 4 sticks.
3. When I need a sitter, I pay with my sticks.
4. Nobody pays any money, ever. Nobody keeps score except the sticks.
5. We meet once a month (with all the kids, it is LOUD) to make sure everybody's okay and nobody's sticks ran out.

Only swap with moms you know and trust, and meet their kids first. We started with two of us who went to the same church. Now there's five and we are family.

On the Nights You Want to Quit

We all have them. The kids are sick, the check bounced, and you're so tired you can't see straight. Here's what I tell myself: it's one night. Tomorrow is a new day and I'll be a little stronger. Put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes. Go to sleep.

But if it's more than a bad night, if you're feeling so low you're scared of what you might do, to yourself or anybody, please reach out tonight. Call a crisis line, your doctor, your pastor, or a friend. Many places have a help line just for parents who are stressed out. Asking for help is what a GOOD mom does. I promise you.

Mom Pals

These moms would love an e-mail pen pal. Write me and I'll pass your letter on, and if you want to be on the list, tell me your first name, your state and your kids' ages.

And don't miss Mama Tips, my collection of the best advice other moms have sent in. It's up to 30 now!