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The Society for the Recognition of Middle Children Not the oldest. Not the baby. The rest of us. Founded 1998 · Grand Rapids, Michigan Welcome. Please take a seat. Not that one, that's for the oldest. Not that one either, that's the baby's. Yes, that one. The one in the middle. You know the one. The Founding The Founding My name is Jo Mallory. I am 33, I am a dental hygienist in Grand Rapids, and I am the third of five children. There are two above me, Frank and Roderick, and two below me, Devin and Lynn. I am the exact middle. I have always been the exact middle. I will die the exact middle, and Frank will give the eulogy, because he's the oldest. In March of 1998 my mother asked me to help her put together picture boards for my dad's retirement party. We got out all the family albums and spread them on the dining room table, and somewhere around the second box I started counting. I don't know why. I had a pencil. Here is what I found.
Of my 97, thirty-one are group shots in which I am partly behind Roderick. Nine are of the back of my head. One is of a birthday cake that I am told was mine; I do not appear in it. Lynn has a whole album to herself with a padded cover. I have a section of the brown album between Devin's T-ball and the 1974 trip to Mackinac Island. Mom said, "Oh, honey, we were just busy by then." I said I knew. Then I went home and founded a society. The Charter Article I. The name of this body is the Society for the Recognition of Middle Children. Article II. Its purpose is to notice. That's all. Somebody should. Article III. Membership is open to anyone with at least one older and at least one younger brother or sister. In families of four or more, you may have to share the middle. We are used to sharing. Article IV. The Society has no president. A president would be first. All officers are vice presidents, and all vice presidents are equal. Article V. Dues are fifty cents a year, which is half a dollar. Article VI. The official font size is 4, which is the exact middle of the seven sizes a web browser knows. Everyday business is conducted in size 3, because somebody has to do the work. Article VII. Eldest and youngest children may not join, but they may attend the annual meeting if they bring a covered dish and sit wherever they're put. The Grievances The hand-me-downs. My clothes came from Roderick. I wore a Cub Scout jacket to the second grade. By the time my things were ready to go down to Lynn they were worn through, so Lynn, the baby, got new ones. I would like this entered into the record. The middle seat. Seven of us in a Ford station wagon. The middle of the middle seat sits on the hump. You put your feet on either side of it and you ride to Grandma's in Saginaw with your knees at your chin. Frank had the window because he was oldest. Lynn had the window because she got carsick. Roderick and Devin had windows because they were boys and they fought. I had the hump. The thinner photo album. See above. See the brown album. The roll call. My grandmother, God rest her, could not call me without going through the whole family first. "Frank, Rod, Dev, Lynn, JO." I was always last, and I wasn't even the last one. The chores. Too old to be let off. Too young to be in charge. In our house that meant drying, never washing, and never, ever choosing the radio station. The question. "Now which one are you?" Asked at every wedding and funeral since 1979. I am the one in the middle. You know me. I've been here the whole time. Your Membership Card Print this, cut it out, and keep it in the middle of your wallet. Fill in your own name. If anybody asks, show it to them, then put it away quietly.
My oldest brother Frank printed the first batch on card stock at his office. He says it's because he was being supportive. I say it's because the oldest always has access to the good printer. The Official Salute Hold your right hand out flat, palm down, at about the level of your heart, which is the middle of you. Tip it slightly to the left, then slightly to the right. Not too far either way. (You know the motion. It's the one that means "so-so.") Then say, at a normal speaking volume, "Present." The salute is never given first. Wait until somebody else has said something, then give it. The Annual Meeting The Society meets every year on July 2. In a regular year July 2 is the 183rd day, with 182 days before it and 182 days after it. It is the exact middle of the year, and if you want to be particular about it, the exact middle falls at noon. Nobody else celebrates it. That's how we knew it was ours. Minutes of the Second Annual Meeting
Next year is a leap year, which throws everything off by half a day: the exact middle of 2000 falls at midnight, between July 1 and July 2. We will meet then. Bring a covered dish and a flashlight. From the Membership "Second of three. My little sister got a party for her driver's license. I got the keys to the Pinto and a reminder about the curfew. I'm 44 now and I still remember the Pinto." "I'm the middle of triplets. I was born four minutes after my brother and four minutes before my sister. Nobody in my family has ever forgotten the four minutes on either side of me." "Fourth of seven. Our mother used to say there was no middle in our house, there was just 'the bunch.' I printed out the card and put it on her refrigerator. She laughed and left it up." "I'm the second of three and my wife is the second of three, and our son is the second of three. Thanksgiving at our house is basically a chapter meeting." "I found this page and called my big sister and my little brother and read the whole thing to them over the phone. They both said I'd always been their favorite. I don't believe either one of them, but it was nice to hear." "Third of five, same as Jo. I'm a mail carrier. I am in the middle of everybody's street every day and I have never felt more at home." A word about my brothers and sister, so nobody gets the wrong idea. They are good sports and I love every one of them. Frank prints the cards. Roderick sent dues for every middle child in his office. Devin taught his kids the salute. Lynn keeps applying. Mom has started a new album. She says it's all me. I'll believe it when I see it, but I've seen the first page, and I'm in the middle of it. Visitors recognized so far: To join, send your name, your state, your place in the family (for example, "2nd of 3") and one thing nobody's ever noticed about you to [email protected]. Dues may be paid at the annual meeting. Last updated Wednesday, September 15, 1999. |
