In 1983 I was eleven years old and I lived on 79th Street, and there were exactly two men in the world I would listen to without arguing. One was my grandfather. The other one wore a mohawk and more gold than the jewelry counter at Evergreen Plaza, and he was on TV every week helping people who couldn't help themselves.

I had the lunchbox. I had the B.A. action figure, which my little brother lost in the radiator. I ate the cereal until my mother stopped buying it. And the summer I turned twelve I shaved the sides of my head in the bathroom with my uncle's clippers, and my mother made me wear a Cubs hat to church until October. Worth it.

I'm twenty-seven now. I drive a delivery truck, I coach a Park District basketball team of ten-year-olds, and I still think about what Mr. T would do in most situations. This page is my thank-you to him.

WHAT MR. T TAUGHT A KID FROM 79TH STREET

People who only know the haircut and the famous line about pitying fools are missing the best part. Every chance he got, on TV, on his Saturday cartoon, on that motivational tape my aunt rented for us, Mr. T told kids the same few things. I'm going to list them here because I tell my basketball team all of them, and they roll their eyes exactly like I did.

• Drink your milk. Big man, big bones. I'm six-two now. Just saying.
• Stay in school. I did. First one in my family with an associate's degree.
• Respect your mother. Even when she makes you wear a hat over your mohawk to church.
• Stay away from drugs. He said it loud and he said it a lot, and a whole lot of us were listening.
• Tough and kind go together. Look at B.A. He growls at everybody, and then he's the one sitting on the floor with the kids.

TEN THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE A-TEAM

1. Any problem can be solved in a barn with a welding torch, some sheet metal, and about three minutes of music.
2. If you're scared of flying, never accept a glass of milk from Hannibal or Murdock.
3. When a jeep flips over, everybody crawls right out. Mad, but fine.
4. A van is not just a van. A van is a way of life.
5. Hannibal really enjoyed it when a plan worked out, and honestly, so do I. My plans mostly involve getting to the Jewel before it closes.
6. The bad guys all shop at the same store for their sunglasses.
7. You can wear a whole jewelry store window around your neck and still be the most sensible person in the room.
8. Murdock is the friend everybody needs, and nobody should be in charge of.
9. If a man in a nice suit tells you he can get you anything, let him. That's Face's job.
10. Growling at your friends is fine as long as you'd go through a wall for them. B.A. went through a lot of walls.

THINGS THAT ARE TOUGH, BUT NOT MR. T TOUGH

A Chicago January. The Dan Ryan at five o'clock. A Bears linebacker. My grandmother when you track mud in. Getting ten-year-olds to run a zone defense. The lid on a jar of pickles. Your VCR's clock. Rust.

FAN MAIL
(the best ones. I left out the guy who wanted to argue about the van for three pages.)