This whole thing started at a cookout in August. My wife Pam said I use duct tape for everything, and I said name one thing I use it for that's dumb, and she said "name ten things you use it for at all," and by the time the burgers were done I'd named forty-one and her sister had gone inside. So here we are.

I'm Jerry. I've been a millwright at a stamping plant in Flint for twenty-two years, and on Saturday nights from May to September I'm the whole pit crew for my nephew Brandon's hobby stock at the dirt track. Between the plant, the track and a house built in 1952, I go through about a roll a week. At the track they call it hundred-mile-an-hour tape. Around our house Pam calls it "Jerry's answer to everything," which I take as a compliment.

Numbers 1 through 70 are mine. Numbers 71 and up came from people who e-mailed me, and they're on the Readers' Uses page. Send me yours and we'll get to a thousand by the year 2000. That's a promise, Pam.

1. Holding the garage door opener to the sun visor. The clip broke in 1994.
2. Marking which wrenches are mine and which are my brother-in-law's. His keep migrating.
3. Patching the seat on the shop stool so it quits pinching.
4. Labeling coffee cans: BOLTS, NUTS, WASHERS, and MISC. Mostly MISC.
5. Keeping one extension cord plugged into the other extension cord.
6. Hanging the drop light from the hood so I can see the engine.
7. Lint roller. Wrap it around your hand sticky side out and go over your coveralls before you come in the house. Pam's rule.
8. Fixing the split in the shop vac hose. Third time.
9. Marking the spot on the garage floor where the front tire should stop, so the car and the freezer stay friends.
10. Taping a flashlight to a pipe so you've got two hands free.
11. Hanging the calendar from the parts store. September is a '69 Chevelle, in case you were wondering.
12. Covering the check engine light on the S-10 so it would quit worrying me. (Pam made me take it off and get it looked at. It was the gas cap.)

13. Holding the battery cover on the TV remote.
14. Keeping the dog food bag shut so Rusty can't help himself.
15. Hemming my work pants. Pam won't do it anymore. I don't blame her.
16. Holding down the corner of the rug so Grandma doesn't catch her foot.
17. Sealing the box of Christmas decorations so nobody opens it before Thanksgiving.
18. Patching the window screen until spring. Keeps the bugs out, lets the complaints in.
19. Covering the VCR slot so the grandbaby quits feeding it crackers.
20. Marking which light switch is the garbage disposal. Learned that one the hard way.
21. Fixing the wobbly leg on the kitchen chair. Temporary. Since 1991.
22. Making a DO NOT DISTURB sign for the den door during the Lions game.
23. A dust bunny grabber: tape wrapped sticky side out on the end of a yardstick, run it under the fridge. You'll find things you lost during the Carter administration.
24. Keeping the freezer door shut until the new seal comes in.
25. Holding the cable box on top of the TV.
26. Sticking the grocery list to the fridge because the magnet from the insurance man lost its nerve.

27. Patching the tent. Every year. Same spot.
28. Fixing the cooler handle.
29. Re-webbing a lawn chair.
30. Wrapping the grip on a canoe paddle so you don't blister.
31. Hanging the lantern from a branch.
32. Keeping the tackle box latched on the boat ride out.
33. Patching my waders. Worked for about an hour. Then I had one wet sock.
34. Holding the rear window on the camper shell.
35. Marking the path back to the campsite from the outhouse. (Take it down when you leave.)
36. Taping the bug spray to the picnic table so nobody walks off with it.
37. Putting JERRY'S in big marker letters on the cooler at the campground.
38. Fixing the rain fly on the tent at two in the morning in the rain, by flashlight, while Pam holds the flashlight and says things.

39. Taping the lineup sheet to the side of the trailer.
40. Fixing the car number when the vinyl peels. At the Fourth of July show, our 8 turned into a 3 in the first heat and the flagman didn't know who we were.
41. Holding the plastic nose piece on to finish a heat race after it met the wall. The tech man looked at it, sighed, and waved us out. That's about the nicest thing he's ever done.
42. Our sponsor sticker didn't come in time, so I made one. Gray tape, black marker: KUHLMAN PLUMBING. That's my brother. He was thrilled.
43. Keeping the cooler lid shut on the trailer.
44. Taping a roll of quarters to the toolbox lid for the pop machine.
45. Holding my pit pass on my hat.
46. Tying up the trailer light wires so they don't drag on the road home.
47. Patching the tarp over the car in the driveway.
48. Stopping the rattle in the tow truck's glove box door. Finally.

Track note: Duct tape goes on the body panels, the number and the snacks. It does not go on anything that steers, stops, or keeps the driver in the seat. Brandon's mother reads this page.

49. A wallet. My grandson made one at Scout camp this summer, all gray tape, and he's prouder of it than I am of my truck.
50. A robot costume for Halloween out of a cardboard box and a whole roll. Best on the block.
51. Fixing the tear in a backpack strap.
52. Hanging the science fair poster on the trifold board when the glue stick gave up.
53. Holding the Christmas lights on the gutter.
54. Patching the street hockey net.
55. Reinforcing the bottom of a trick-or-treat bag so the loot doesn't end up on the sidewalk.
56. Patching the blow-up pool. Lasts about a day. The grandkids don't care.
57. Keeping the extra leaf in the dining table from sliding out at Thanksgiving.
58. Taping the batteries in the Christmas toy so it doesn't come apart before the pictures.

59. Holding the sole on my work boot until payday.
60. Fixing my reading glasses at the hinge. Pam says I look like a science teacher.
61. Marking my thermos at the plant so it comes back to me.
62. Holding up the zipper on my Carhartt. The pull broke off in February.
63. Covering the hole in my work glove fingertip.
64. Labeling my lunch bag. Somebody on second shift likes my sandwiches too much.
65. Wrapping Pam's birthday present, one year. She was not impressed. Now I use paper.
66. Keeping my wallet shut. The snap died.

67. Holding up a muffler on a long drive. The exhaust gets hot, the tape gets gooey, and the whole car smells like a burnt tire. Ask my brother-in-law.
68. As a bandage. Go get a real Band-Aid out of the cabinet. And if it's bad, go see somebody.
69. On anything to do with brakes, steering or tires. Duct tape is great. It isn't that great.
70. Holding the bumper on my brother-in-law's Grand Am all the way to Saginaw. It made it to Birch Run. The bumper's fine. He's fine. It's a long story.