Here's everything I'm sure of, which isn't much.

1. Chris Gaines is a made-up rock singer, and Garth plays him. He's a character, like in a movie. That's because there's going to be a movie, or there's supposed to be, called The Lamb, with Garth as Chris.

2. The new album is called Garth Brooks in... The Life of Chris Gaines, and it comes out Tuesday, September 28. It's supposed to be Chris's songs from over his whole career, like a greatest hits for a man nobody ever heard of, so we all know who he is before the movie comes.

3. "Lost in You" has been on the radio since July. Not on the country station. On the pop station, the one Jessica keeps on in the car until I make her change it.

4. He looks completely different. In the pictures he's got dark hair down over his eyes and a little patch of beard under his lip, and dark clothes. Not a hat in sight. The first time I saw the picture I didn't know it was him. The second time I still didn't.

5. His name is on the front. "Garth Brooks in..." So at least he's not pretending he isn't Garth. I'm holding on to that.

That nobody gets it. I have explained Chris Gaines to four different teachers in the copy room this month and not one of them understood it, and I'm not sure I did either. If it takes a page and a half to explain, that's a problem.

That country radio gets its feelings hurt. Country radio made him. I don't want them thinking he's leaving.

That he IS leaving. I don't think he is. But what if he likes being Chris better? What if Chris gets to do things Garth doesn't?

Where the store is going to put it. This is a real question. Is it in Country under Brooks or in Rock under Gaines? Tammie says they'll put it in both and charge you twice.

That the movie never happens. Then we've got an album from a man who's in a movie that doesn't exist. That would be the strangest thing that's ever happened to a country singer, and Garth would have done it.

That it's good. Truly, that's all. I like "Lost in You." I didn't want to, and I do. It's smooth and kind of sad and it sounds like nothing he's ever done, and I've caught myself humming it while I'm running the copier.

That he's having fun. He's been the biggest thing in the world for ten years. He's earned the right to change his hair and see what happens.

That new people find him. Jessica asked me if Chris Gaines is cute. I said, honey, it's Garth. She said that's not what she asked. If a twelve-year-old who listens to the pop station ends up with No Fences because of this, I'll call it a win.

That he surprises me. He always has. Every time I think I know what he's going to do, he does something else, and most of the time I end up loving it. Remember when nobody thought a country singer could fill Central Park?

That he comes home. That's what Oklahoma boys do. Ask anybody who remembers 1985.

Dan: Says it'll sell a million copies just from people like me who can't stand not knowing. He's probably right. He has five dollars on it with Tammie's husband.

Tammie: Will buy it. Will not play it where anybody can hear.

Jessica: Already likes "Lost in You" more than anything else of his. I've decided not to take this personally.

Me: Undecided. I put my name down for a copy at the music store on 41st, and I'm taking a long lunch on Tuesday to go get it, and after supper I'm going to sit down in the kitchen with the lights low and listen to the whole thing start to finish before I let myself think a single thought about it.

Come back Sunday, October 3, for my verdict. Garth or Chris. One of them's going to win.