HELLO. I AM RUFUS.

I am a basset hound. I live in Kansas City with my human, Marty. This is my home page. Marty said every dog in Petsburgh has one and I said WOOF, which he took as a yes. It was actually about a squirrel. But here we are.

THE FACTS ABOUT ME

MY HOBBIES

1. SMELLS. All of them. The fire hydrant. The tree. The same tree again, in case it changed. It did.
2. The Couch. I am NOT ALLOWED on the couch. I would never go on the couch. If you find brown and white dog hair on the couch that is a MYSTERY and you should ask the cat next door.
3. Napping. Sometimes on my back with all four legs up. Marty calls this "dead bug." I call it relaxing.
4. Howling. I howl at fire trucks, at the doorbell on TV, and when Marty sings in the shower. That last one is not a compliment.
5. Barbecue. This is Kansas City. The whole city smells like barbecue on Saturdays. I stand at the fence and smell it for three hours. BEST DAY.

MY ENEMIES

• THE MAILMAN. He comes EVERY DAY. He puts things in our door. Every day I bark and every day he leaves, so it WORKS. Marty says he is a nice man named Dale. I cannot take that chance.
• THE VACUUM. It lives in the closet. It comes out on Sunday and it YELLS and it EATS MY HAIR. I hide under the kitchen table until it goes back in the closet where it belongs.
• Bath Time. No comment.

MY HUMAN, MARTY

Marty is 43. He is an accountant, which means he counts other people's money and does not share any of it with me. In April he comes home very late and smells like coffee and paper and he says "never again" and then next April he does it again. I lie on his feet so he knows I am there.

Marty is a good human. He scratches the exact right spot behind my ear. He calls me "Big Guy" even though my legs are short. He has never once let me on the couch, but he has also never once checked.

DINNER!!!

Dinner is at 5:30. It is the HIGH POINT OF EVERY DAY. I start waiting at 3:00. At 4:00 I sit by my bowl. At 5:00 I look at Marty with my sad eyes (I have very sad eyes, it is a basset thing). At 5:29 I cannot take it anymore. At 5:30 there is DINNER. It takes me eleven seconds to eat it. Then I look at the bowl for a while in case there is more. There is never more. I check anyway.