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Calvinball in Room 114
Official rules, good for one week only
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In the strip, Calvin and Hobbes play a game whose rules get made up as they go along, and the one fixed law is that it never gets played the same way twice. They wear masks. Nobody ever knows the score. It is the most accurate picture of being six years old I've ever seen.

So on Fridays, if my seventh graders get the room cleaned up with fifteen minutes to spare, we play. Each week's class writes the rules on the chalkboard at the start, and they're good for that game only. Then I copy them down for posterity, and here they are. I don't use names; you know who you are.

THE ROOM 114 RULES (these are mine, not Calvinball's, and they never change)
1. No tackling, tripping or pushing.
2. Nobody touches the kiln, the paper cutter or the scissors drawer. Ever.
3. Whatever we get out, we put away.
4. If anybody gets hurt or upset, the game is over, no arguments.
5. Masks are paper plates with eyeholes and must be decorated. It's still art class.

Week 1 · Friday, September 10
Inside. The first Friday of the year. Rules by fifth hour.
  1. The ball is whatever is on the end of the drying rack. (It was a sponge.)
  2. The wastebasket is the Wicket. Touching the Wicket with the ball is worth one-half of a point.
  3. The pencil sharpener is the Zone of Rethinking. Touch it and you have to change one rule out loud.
  4. Anyone can call "Color Freeze!" and name a color. Everyone wearing that color freezes until somebody says a word that rhymes with orange.
  5. Mr. Volz may not make any rules. Mr. Volz is a Boundary and must stand still.
What happened: Somebody called Color Freeze on blue at minute three. Nothing rhymes with orange. Eleven people stood frozen until the bell. One boy in the back argued for "door hinge" and was overruled.
Final score: Masks 3½, Other Masks "a lot."

Week 2 · Friday, September 17
Outside on the field. Rules by second hour.
  1. The ball is a playground ball, and while you are holding it you may only move sideways, like a crab.
  2. The big oak by the fence is the Tree of Questions. If you're touching it, any player can ask you one question and you have to answer truthfully. (School-appropriate questions only. See Room 114 Rule 4.)
  3. Whoever scores has to make up a brand new song about it on the spot. No real songs.
  4. Points are scored by rolling the ball through the legs of the Boundary. The Boundary is Mr. Volz.
  5. When the Boundary sneezes, everyone switches teams.
What happened: It was ragweed season. I sneezed nine times. Nobody was ever on one team long enough to score twice. The songs were outstanding, especially one about a crab that couldn't go forward, which I may put in the yearbook.
Final score: 11 to Tuesday. One team decided to keep score in days of the week, and nobody could prove they were wrong.

Week 3 · Friday, September 24
Rained. Inside. Rules by fourth hour, who had just finished our unit on modern painters.
  1. Every point must be scored in the style of a famous artist, and you have to say which one.
  2. A Seurat point: you have to say "dot" every single step you take.
  3. A Mondrian point: straight lines and right-angle turns only. No curves.
  4. A Pollock point: you have to wobble all over the place and you're not allowed to plan where you go.
  5. A Picasso point: you have to keep one eye on the ball and the other eye on the opposite wall at the same time. (This is impossible. That was the point, they said.)
  6. Arguments about whether a point counts are decided by a gallery vote. Everyone walks past the point slowly, with their hands behind their back, and nods or frowns.
What happened: The Mondrians were efficient. The Pollocks knocked over a stack of drawing boards and had to put them back, per Room 114 Rule 3. The gallery voted down every single Picasso point, and one girl filed a protest saying the critics never understood Picasso either. Protest upheld.
Final score: Mondrians 4, Seurats 2, Pollocks a big mess, Picassos misunderstood.

Week 4 · Friday, October 1
Rules: unknown. As is tradition.

If you're a teacher and you want to try this, go ahead. You need fifteen minutes, a room you trust, a class you like, and the willingness to stand still and be a Boundary. If your kids invent a good rule, send it to me, and I'll post it with your school's permission and no names.

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[email protected] · Last updated Sunday, September 26, 1999