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The Couch Gag

CAPSULE REVIEWS  •  HOMER, RANKED  •  NO PLOT SUMMARIES LONGER THAN THREE SENTENCES, EVER
I have been watching The Simpsons since the first half-hour episodes in 1990, when I was a college junior and the show was mostly famous for Bart T-shirts. I've kept watching through three apartments, one marriage, two cats and a job on the copy desk of a daily newspaper in Providence, where I spend my nights cutting other people's sentences down to size.

That last part explains this site. There are Simpsons pages out there with every episode ever aired, every sign in the background, and every couch gag in order, and I admire them the way I admire people who run marathons. This is not one of those. This is a short list, written tight. If an episode is here, I love it. If it isn't, I either haven't gotten to it yet or I'm saving it.

ON THIS SITE:
» Capsule Reviews: seven favorite episodes, a few lines each, graded in donuts
» Top 10 Homer Moments: below, in reverse order, as tradition demands

TOP 10 HOMER MOMENTS
Described, not quoted. You know how they go. Say them out loud if you must.

10. The hair tonic. Homer grows a full head of hair overnight, gets promoted into an office with a key to the executive washroom, and loses it all when the hair does. A whole career built on a bottle. (Simpson and Delilah, season 2)

9. The Be Sharps win a Grammy, and years later, when they reunite on a rooftop, a real Beatle drives past and isn't impressed. It's a whole rock-and-roll rise and fall in twenty-two minutes. (Homer's Barbershop Quartet, season 5)

8. Homer's cheap late-night Mr. Plow commercial, which runs at an hour when only insomniacs are watching. I've seen actual local ads on Channel 12 that were worse. (Mr. Plow, season 4)

7. Throwing the anchor off the runaway monorail, and watching it catch on a giant donut. Of all the things in Springfield to save the day. (Marge vs. the Monorail, season 4)

6. Thrown out of an all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant, Homer takes them to court over the meaning of "all." And somehow he's not entirely wrong. (New Kid on the Block, season 4)

5. Loose potato chips floating in zero gravity on the space shuttle, and Homer drifting after them, set to the same waltz the old space movie used. Perfect. (Deep Space Homer, season 5)

4. The chili cook-off, the peppers, and the long, strange walk through the desert that follows. With Johnny Cash as the voice of a coyote. (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer, season 8)

3. Taking a hit on the head in the bottom of the ninth, out cold, and winning the championship without ever swinging. (Homer at the Bat, season 3)

2. Lying on the hood of the car at the end of the night, alone, looking up at the stars after his mother has to leave again. No joke. That's the point. (Mother Simpson, season 7)

1. The photographs of Maggie. At the power plant, Homer tapes pictures of his baby daughter over a discouraging sign at his workstation, arranged so they change the message into a reason to keep going. The best forty seconds the show has ever done, and I will hear no argument. (And Maggie Makes Three, season 6)


Honorable mention: working the Kwik-E-Mart night shift on top of his day job to pay for Lisa's pony, and falling asleep on the drive home. (Lisa's Pony, season 3)

You are reader number
002492
since July 18, 1999

Corrections, complaints and your own top ten: [email protected]
Neil Karim, Providence, R.I.


Last updated Friday, September 24, 1999
The Simpsons is the property of Matt Groening and Twentieth Century Fox. Opinions are the property of me.