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Under Article XIII, every violation gets written down with the time, the article and the penalty. I log them the way I'd log a claim: the facts first, then the finding, and no editorializing. I have editorialized a little. Beverly has read every entry and approved them, which under Article XIII, Section 3 makes them official. |
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Agreed at the conference, September 19
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| No. 1 · Sunday, September 19, 8:41 p.m. |
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Party: The Party of the First Part (Dad) Article: VI, Section 1 (surfing) Facts: Twenty-one minutes after the treaty was ratified. Sunday evening is an open night, and I had claimed the set. During a commercial I went up fourteen channels in a row without stopping, looking for a ballgame score. Kristin counted out loud. Penalty: Remote to the DMZ for the rest of the evening. Remarks: Yes, I was the first person to break my own treaty, and it took me less time than it took to type it up. Beverly says this is how it went with the Treaty of Versailles too. I don't think she's right about that, but I'm not in a position to argue. |
| No. 2 · Monday, September 20, 8:12 p.m. |
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Party: Kevin (14) Article: V, Section 3 (muting as a joke) Facts: Under Article IX Kevin may come into the living room during his commercials to check the score. He came in, picked the remote up off the arm of the recliner, and muted the football game in the middle of a field goal attempt. He said he wanted to see "if it's still exciting with no sound." It was not. Penalty: Equal muting of Kevin's next program, at a time of my choosing. Remarks: I have not exercised the penalty yet. Kevin says the waiting is worse than the muting. That is the idea. |
| No. 3 · Tuesday, September 21, 6:52 a.m. |
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Party: Kristin (11) Article: VII, Section 3 (batteries) Facts: I picked up the remote to check the morning weather and it didn't work. On inspection the battery compartment was empty. The batteries were located, after a short investigation, inside Kristin's Game Boy, in her backpack, by the front door, ready for the bus. Penalty: Two batteries back in the remote, and a four-pack of AAs for the drawer, from Kristin's allowance. Remarks: In her defense, Kristin says she "was going to put them back after school," and that the drawer was empty. The drawer was empty. Nobody had written "AA" on the grocery list (Art. VII, Sec. 4). The person who used the last two spare batteries has not come forward. I have my suspicions and I am one of them. |
| No. 4 · Tuesday, September 21, 6:14 p.m. |
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Party: The Party of the First Part (Dad) Article: XI (supper) Facts: It clouded up in the west during supper and I got up and turned on the set, from the kitchen doorway, with the remote, to check the radar. There was nothing on the radar. There were clouds. Penalty: Cleared the table and washed the dishes. Remarks: The Junior Parties sat at the table and watched me wash the dishes. Stephanie clapped at the end. |
| No. 5 · Wednesday, September 22, 7:58 p.m. |
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Party: Kevin (14) Article: X, Section 2 (trial nominations) Facts: The premiere night of The West Wing, Mom's trial nomination. Kevin had been on the sofa since 7:00 with the remote and claimed the set under Section 1, first come, first served. Mom cited Section 2, which gives her nomination first claim on its own time slot. Kevin held the remote for approximately three more minutes, in protest. Penalty: Waived. Kevin handed over the remote, said he would stay "just to see what it is," and was still on the sofa at 9:00. He said it was "a lot of talking, but good talking." Remarks: Beverly says that's the best review anything she likes has ever gotten from a fourteen-year-old. It has two more weeks of its trial, and so far I'd say the vote would be 3 to 0, with Kristin and Stephanie asleep. |
| No. 6 · Thursday, September 23, 7:31 p.m. |
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Party: The Party of the First Part (Dad) Article: II, Section 2 (questions during Mom's Thursday) Facts: I came in from the garage and asked, "Who's that?" I didn't even want to know. It just came out. Penalty: One basket of laundry, folded, quietly, in the bedroom. Remarks: I had been married to the Party of the Second Part for seventeen years before this treaty and have asked "Who's that?" on most Thursdays of those years. Old habits. |
| No. 7 · Thursday, September 23, 8:05 p.m. |
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Party: Stephanie (5) Article: VIII, Sections 1 and 4 (the DMZ) Facts: Stephanie, in her pajamas, climbed onto the sofa to say good night and sat down on the DMZ, on top of the remote, which changed the channel to a shopping program where a woman was selling a porcelain clown, and turned the volume all the way up. Penalty: Under the schedule, at the discretion of the Party of the Second Part, who was laughing too hard to give one. Instead Stephanie was appointed Keeper of the DMZ, with the duty of making sure the remote is always on the middle cushion, face up. Remarks: She takes the job very seriously. She checks it before bed, and she checked it twice at breakfast. |
| No. 8 · Thursday, September 23, 9:48 p.m. |
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Party: The Party of the First Part (Dad) Article: VI, Section 2 (checking the score) Facts: During a commercial on Mom's Thursday, while Mom was getting her tea, I picked up the remote from the DMZ and "just checked the score" of a ballgame. The pennant races are very close this week. That isn't a defense under the treaty, and I didn't offer it as one. Penalty: Fold a basket of laundry (the second of the evening). Also, by order of the Party of the Second Part, I get her tea myself, every Thursday, through the end of October. Remarks: The Keeper of the DMZ was asleep at the time, which I think saved me a worse penalty. She has since been briefed. |
| No. 9 · Friday, September 24, 6:40 a.m. |
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Party: Stephanie (5), by her own admission Article: VIII, Section 3 ("put somewhere safe") Facts: The remote was not on the DMZ this morning. After a search of the living room, the sofa, the beanbag and two bedrooms, Beverly found it in the freezer, next to the ice cube trays. When questioned at breakfast, the Keeper of the DMZ explained that the remote "was hot," from being in Daddy's hand during the news. Penalty: None. The remote works fine. It's just very cold. Stephanie has been told that the Keeper keeps it on the DMZ and nowhere else, even if it's hot. Remarks: In fourteen years of claims work I have never closed a file with the words "it was hot." There's a first time for everything. |
Slammed doors: 0. Penalties served: 5. Pending: 1 (No. 2). Waived or none: 3. Baskets of laundry folded by the Party of the First Part: 2. The Party of the First Part, who wrote most of this treaty, leads the household in violations. The Party of the Second Part has none. I'd note that the Party of the Second Part is also the final authority on what the treaty means (Art. XIII, Sec. 3), but I've been advised that noting it would be a violation of something, and I'd rather not find out what. |