My daughter Rachel set up this home page for me over Labor Day weekend and said I should write something "about me." I asked what format. She said any format.

I am 48 years old. I have been a Certified Public Accountant in Hartford, Connecticut since 1975.

This is the format.

1. Lynn. Married June 1977. Under generally accepted accounting principles, assets are carried at historical cost and are not written up to market value. The historical cost was one rented tuxedo, powder blue, and a promise. If Lynn were written up to market value, the figure would not fit in this column.

2. Daughters. Rachel is in her second year of college and calls on Sundays, usually about money, sometimes not. Emily is a junior in high school and plays the clarinet. Both were planned for, in the budgetary sense. Neither has performed as projected. Both have exceeded projections.

3. Biscuit. Named by the daughters over my objection. I had proposed "Form 1040." Biscuit is not a dependent for federal tax purposes. I checked anyway. He eats the same dinner every night at 5:30 and is never disappointed by it, which I respect.

4. The lawn. Approximately one quarter acre. Generates no income. Requires mowing every Saturday from April through October. Lynn classifies it as an asset. I have disclosed my disagreement.

5. Contingent liability. Emily turned sixteen in June and holds a learner's permit. She practices in the Buick in the mall parking lot on Sunday mornings, before the stores open. The outcome cannot be reasonably estimated at this time. Our insurance agent has been notified.

6. Equity. Owner's equity is what remains after all obligations are met. I have run these numbers many times, usually in April, usually late at night. They always come out the same, which is unusual in my experience. They come out in my favor, which is more unusual.

7. This statement has not been audited. Lynn reviewed it and said it was "very you." I am treating this as an unqualified opinion.

Correspondence. I answer e-mail year-round, except January 1 through April 15, when I answer nothing. Our office computers are Y2K compliant. I have tested this personally, twice.