FOR MANAGERS AND COWORKERS A practical note for the people on the other side of the desk
PREPARED BY: Linda Julien  ·  DOC. NO. LJ-0001  ·  REV. D  ·  DATE: September 12, 1999  ·  SHEET 2 OF 2 (sheet 1: Same Desk, New Name)

Someone you work with has told you they are going to transition. You want to do this right and you aren't sure what "right" is. This sheet is what I have learned from my own transition at work in 1998 and from the many managers, coworkers and HR people who have written to me since. It is practical, not legal advice. Where it says "she," read "he" if your coworker is transitioning the other way; the principles are the same.

2.1 Let the employee lead. She has likely been planning this for a long time. Ask what she needs and what timeline she has in mind. Do not set the date for her, and do not tell anyone before she agrees on who and when.

2.2 Keep it confidential until the plan is set. Rumors arrive before announcements. A leak can undo months of careful preparation.

2.3 Make a written plan together. It should cover: the date of the change, who tells the work group and how, the records that must change (2.4), restroom arrangements (2.6), and who coworkers should go to with questions.

2.4 Change every record on the same day. Badge, access card, e-mail address, phone directory, nameplate, business cards, voice mail, org charts, sign-out boards. Payroll, insurance and other legal records follow the legal name change, which may come before or after. Walk the building looking for the old name. Someone always finds one on the third-floor bulletin board.

2.5 Set the tone, out loud. When the group is told, the manager should say plainly that the employee is valued, that the company supports her, and that everyone is expected to extend the same professional courtesy they extend to anyone else. Your people will take their cue from you. This is the single most useful thing you can do.

2.6 Restrooms: be sensible. A common and workable arrangement is that during the first weeks the employee uses a single-occupancy restroom if one is available, and then uses the restroom that matches how she lives and works. If a coworker raises a concern, meet with that person privately, listen, and offer the single-occupancy restroom to them as well. Do not make the transitioning employee carry the burden of everyone else's adjustment indefinitely.

2.7 Same rules as everyone. The dress code that applies to other women applies to her, no more and no less. The same goes for performance expectations, customer contact, travel and assignments. Do not quietly take her off the client project "for now." That is how good employees end up in the basement.

2.8 Harassment is harassment. Jokes, deliberate use of the old name, or notes left on her desk should be handled exactly as you would handle any other harassment, promptly. In Minnesota it is also against the law (see 5.0).

3.1 Use the new name and pronoun from the first day. If you slip, say "sorry, Linda," and keep going. Don't make a long apology; that makes it about your feelings, and puts her in the position of comforting you. A short correction is perfect.

3.2 Say something. The worst thing that happened to me at work was not anything anyone said. It was a friend who said nothing for most of a year because he was afraid of saying it wrong. "Good morning" is enough. "I don't really know what to say, but I'm glad you're here" is better than enough.

3.3 Don't ask about medical matters. Questions about surgery or anything else medical are not appropriate at work, any more than you would ask any other coworker about her medical history. If she chooses to share something, that's her choice.

3.4 Don't ask to see old photos, and don't use the old name when telling stories about the past. "Back when Linda was on the Northeast project" works fine.

3.5 It's all right not to understand. You don't have to understand, agree, or have an opinion. You only have to be professional and decent. One of my coworkers told me exactly that about himself, in my first week, and he has been as good as his word ever since.

3.6 Talk about work. She is the same engineer, accountant, machinist or nurse she was before. Most days, what she wants most is to be asked about the job.

Q. Is this a choice?
A. Being transsexual is not a choice, any more than being left-handed is. Transitioning is a decision, usually reached after years and with professional help, because the alternative had become unbearable.

Q. What if I have religious objections?
A. You are entitled to your beliefs. At work, you are expected to treat a coworker with professional courtesy. Those two things can live together. I have seen it done, every Thursday at lunch.

Q. What do I tell customers who knew her before?
A. Ask her what she prefers. Usually, simply: "Linda is your engineer on this job." Most customers need no more than that.

Q. What if I get it wrong?
A. You will. Correct yourself and move on. Trying counts for a great deal.

In Minnesota, the Minnesota Human Rights Act has protected transgendered people from discrimination in employment since 1993, the first state law in the country to do so. Elsewhere the law varies, and in many places there is no specific protection. Your company's own policies may go further than the law. When in doubt, ask your HR department or your attorney. Doing the decent thing is rarely illegal anywhere.