Letters from Other Parents
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back to Our Son Is Gay · Jay's letter

So many mothers and fathers have written to us since we put up this page. With their permission, here are some of their letters, shortened a little, with just a first name and a state. Newest are at the top. If you would like to add yours, please write to us and tell us it's all right to share it. We never put up a last name or a town, and we never share anyone's e-mail address.

Hershel, Kentucky  September 14, 1999
Mr. Lewandowski, I read your letter to fathers about four times. My son told me in July. I said some things I won't write here. I haven't called him since. I'm going to call him Sunday. I wanted to tell somebody so I can't back out. Thank you.
Hershel, I'll be thinking about you Sunday night. Let us know how it goes. You won't regret it. -- Jay

Helena, Michigan  August 30, 1999
Our daughter came out to us in 1994, before there were pages like yours. My husband and I went through it alone for almost a year because we were too embarrassed to tell anyone. I'm writing to say to any parent reading this: don't do what we did. Go find other parents. We finally went to PFLAG and now my husband is the one making the coffee at our chapter meetings. Our daughter and her partner have been together five years and they bring us tomatoes from their garden every August.

Mavis, Alabama  July 19, 1999
I am a Southern Baptist and a Sunday school teacher of thirty years. When my son told me, I thought my heart would break in two. I am still working on some of it with the Lord. But I read your faith section and I cried, because you said you don't have all the theology worked out and you love him anyway. That's where I am too. I didn't know you were allowed to be there. Thank you for telling me I am.
Mavis, you are more than allowed. We'll keep you in our prayers. -- Catherine

Stephen, Minnesota  June 2, 1999
I'm a father of three and a high school wrestling coach. My middle son told me at the kitchen table in March. I've been reading your page every night since then, mostly the part about Easter dinner. My son is bringing someone home for the Fourth of July and I am going to show him my workbench. If Jay can do it, I can do it.
Stephen, he'll be as nervous as you are. Start with the workbench. It works. -- Jay

Erma, Texas  April 26, 1999
My son is 41 and told me last Christmas, the same night as your Francis, only two years later. I'm 61. I thought I was too old to change how I think about things. Well, I'm not. Your page made me laugh about the ham. I bought too much ham too.

Karen, Pennsylvania  February 8, 1999
My daughter is 17 and she told me last month. She is so young and I am so scared for her. Your page helped me understand that my fear is about the world, not about her. I'm going to my first PFLAG meeting next week. I'll sit in the back row like you did.
Karen, the back row is a fine place to start. Please write and tell us how it went. -- Catherine

Roscoe, Kansas  October 18, 1998
I farm wheat out here and I don't use the computer much. My wife found your page after we saw the news from Wyoming and she made me sit down and read it. Our boy lives in Kansas City. I called him that night just like you did. First time I called him on a weeknight in years. I just wanted to hear him. I think he knew why.

Mary, Ohio  June 21, 1998
Happy first Father's Day on the web, Jay! My son came out when he was in college fifteen years ago and we have had a lot of good years since. I wanted to tell you and Catherine that from where I sit, you are going to have a lot of happy years too. The hard part does end. I promise. And please give Ted a hug from a stranger in Ohio.