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I don't have a scanner, and even if I did I wouldn't put up anybody's
photographs without asking. So here are the looks, in words. Close your eyes
if it helps. Each one gets a name, the year, and a grade from me on a scale of
one to five sequins.
A word about Bob Mackie, who designed a great many of these: there is no
Cher without him, and I suspect he'd say there's no Bob Mackie without her.
They've been dressing up together since the Comedy Hour, and long may they
reign.
· • · ♦ · • · ♦ · • ·
| The Fur Vest 1965 |
Hair straight and black down to her waist, bangs to her eyelashes, eyeliner out to here, bell-bottoms riding low, and a shaggy vest, with Sonny beside her in an even shaggier one. Two kids who looked like nobody else on the Sunset Strip. The beginning of everything.
♦♦♦♦ |
| The Comedy Hour Goddess 1971-1974 |
Every week a new Mackie gown, beaded and fringed and feathered and slit, often with not very much in the middle, and a new wig to go with it: piled up, straight down, curled, Cleopatra. She'd stand perfectly still for a song and the dress would do the dancing. This is the one I saw at six, and it's the one I still see when I close my eyes.
♦♦♦♦♦ |
| The Valkyrie 1979 |
The cover of Take Me Home: a gold Viking warrior getup with a helmet, a cape, some strategically placed armor and very little else, and the hair down to there. Completely ridiculous and completely committed, which is the secret of every great Cher look.
♦♦♦♦ |
| The Natural 1983 |
For Silkwood she toned it all down, plain clothes and big natural curls and hardly any makeup, and you suddenly noticed what a face she has. The most daring look of her career might be the one where she wasn't wearing a costume at all.
♦♦♦ |
| The Feathers Academy Awards, 1986 |
The year after Hollywood didn't nominate her for Mask, she walked out to present an award in a black Mackie outfit topped with an enormous headdress of black feathers sticking straight up, a couple of feet tall. Everybody had something to say about it. That was the point. Some people make a statement with a speech. She did it with feathers.
♦♦♦♦♦ |
| The Makeover Moonstruck, 1987 |
Loretta starts the movie with gray in her hair and sensible shoes, and halfway through she walks into a beauty parlor and comes out the other side for a night at the opera. Every gay man in America knows exactly where he was when he saw that scene.
♦♦♦♦♦ |
| The Oscar Gown Academy Awards, April 1988 |
The night she won. A sheer black beaded gown, sparkling all over, and she picked up the Oscar in it. Two years after the feathers, the same people who'd laughed were applauding. I'd call that a complete answer.
♦♦♦♦♦ |
| The Battleship 1989 |
The If I Could Turn Back Time video: a navy battleship, a crew of sailors cheering, a black leather jacket, a mane of black curls, and an outfit underneath made mostly of straps, which got the video shown only late at night. She was forty-three. I'll just leave that there.
♦♦♦♦ |
| The Rock Chick 1987-1991 |
Teased hair out to the walls, studded leather, lace, boots, bangles from wrist to elbow. Every MTV rocker in 1989 looked like this, and she wore it better than any of them.
♦♦♦ |
| The Wig Parade Do You Believe? tour, 1999 |
What I saw with my own eyes at the Target Center: a new wig and a new costume what felt like every other song. Red. Platinum. Jet black down to her knees. Sparkles on top of sparkles. Martha kept a count and lost it. Fifty-three years old and changing clothes faster than I can change a light bulb, and singing live the whole time.
♦♦♦♦♦ |
· • · ♦ · • · ♦ · • ·
My own Cher look, for the record: a silver sequin armband, a black
T-shirt and a lot of hope. Martha says I'm more of a Sonny. Martha is
fired.
Halloween, a public service announcement: If you're going as Cher
this year, commit. Half a Cher is no Cher. Get the wig. Get the eyelashes.
Get the attitude. She never did anything halfway and neither should you.
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