THE HONK FILES: Sighting Log

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SIGHTING LOG
Reports from agents in the field. Agents are listed by code name for their own protection.

WHEN / WHERE	REPORT	STATUS
Sept. 1999 New Mexico State Fair, Albuquerque	Agent Salazar (me). Watched nine clowns go into the funhouse. Eight came out. I waited forty-five minutes by the corn dog stand. Number nine never came out. My friend Gabe says he probably went out the back. The funhouse doesn't have a back. (Okay, it does. But I didn't see him use it.)	OPEN
Aug. 1999 Albuquerque, my own street	Agent Salazar. Ice cream truck, 7:40 p.m. The driver was not a clown. But there was a clown on the side of the truck, painted, holding a Popsicle, and I swear its eyes followed me to the corner.	UNDER SURVEILLANCE
Aug. 1999 Birthday party, El Paso, Texas	Agent Nacho. The clown knew the birthday boy's name without being told. Agent Nacho later admits the name was written on the cake. We are still counting it.	SUSPICIOUS
July 4, 1999 Parade, Rio Rancho, N.M.	Agent Mariposa. Clown on a unicycle threw candy to the crowd. The candy was, and I quote, "suspiciously delicious." She ate it anyway. She says she feels fine. She would say that.	OPEN
June 1999 Shopping mall, Tucson, Arizona	Agent Cactus Jack. Clown making balloon animals by the food court. Made Cactus Jack a sword and made his little sister a poodle. The poodle watched him from the back seat the whole way home.	OPEN
May 1999 Circus, Denver, Colorado	Agent R2. Counted twelve clowns out of the little car. When the car drove off, it was sitting lower than before. What else was in there?	OPEN
April 1999 Grocery store, Las Cruces, N.M.	Agent Dusty. Man in the checkout line had a red nose. Agent Dusty followed at a safe distance. Turned out he just had a cold. Agent Dusty has been reminded of the difference between a clown and a guy with allergies.	CLOSED (false alarm)

AGENTS NEEDED: The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta starts the first weekend in October. Hundreds of hot air balloons. Thousands of people. Some of those balloons are shaped like things. If one of them is shaped like a clown, I'm going to need backup. Bring binoculars.

FILE A REPORT

E-mail [email protected] with:

Your code name (NOT your real name, they read the Internet too)
Date and place (just the town)
Number of clowns going in and number coming out
Shoe size estimate
Honk count, if available

All reports are reviewed by Agent Salazar personally, usually after 10 p.m., with the lights on.

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Last updated Saturday, September 25, 1999