The Summer Archive
June, July and August 1999
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This is where I started! In the summer there was no school, so the rule was Dad's work days, Monday to Friday. I did not write down every single one because some days I slept in (it was SUMMER) and one week I was at Grandma's. These are the ones in my notebook.

School started on Wednesday, August 25, so the last few are school days. I put them here anyway because they are August.

June

Monday, June 7 (first day of summer vacation!!)
Why did the watermelon get a job as a lifeguard?  It was already mostly water.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5

Wednesday, June 9
Why did the popsicle quit the softball team?  It couldn't take the heat.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5
I play softball. Nobody on our team is a popsicle.

Friday, June 11
Why don't snails ever go on vacation?  They can't leave home. They carry it everywhere.
Me: (3)   Justin: 5
I found a snail by the porch that same day and told it the joke. It did not laugh. It is a snail.

Tuesday, June 15
Why did the beach ball go to the doctor?  It was feeling a little deflated.
Me: (1)   Justin: 5
We don't even live by a beach.

Thursday, June 17
What did the hammock say to Dad on Saturday?  "Hang in there."
Me: (3)   Justin: 5
He told this on a Thursday about a Saturday. Mom says that is called "planning ahead."

Monday, June 21 (the longest day of the year)
What did the sun say on the longest day of the year?  "I'm not going to bed and you can't make me."
Me: (4)   Justin: 5
That is EXACTLY what Justin says every night. Justin did not get it. He just said "I'm not going to bed!" and everybody laughed more.

Wednesday, June 23
Why is a baseball glove so good at keeping secrets?  It keeps everything in its pocket.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5

Monday, June 28 to Friday, July 2: I was at Grandma's farm. No jokes from Dad. Grandpa told jokes instead, but he tells the same one every year and I am not allowed to rate Grandpa. (Mom's rule.)

July

Tuesday, July 6
Why did the firecracker get a time-out?  It kept popping off.
Me: (1)   Justin: 5
Too soon after the Fourth of July. Everybody was still tired.

Thursday, July 8
Why don't lightning bugs ever get lost?  They always bring their own flashlight.
Me: (3)   Justin: 5

Monday, July 12
What did the zucchini say to Mom?  "You can't get rid of me. There are a hundred more where I came from."
Me: (3)   Justin: 5
MOM SAYS: This one is TRUE. We have had zucchini bread, zucchini soup and zucchini pancakes, and the neighbors are hiding from me.

Wednesday, July 14
Why did the mosquito get a job at the blood bank?  It's great at withdrawals.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5
I had to ask what a withdrawal is (it's when you take your money OUT of the bank). Minus 1 corn.

Tuesday, July 20
Why did the firefly get kicked out of the movie theater?  It wouldn't turn its light off.
Me: (5)   Justin: 5
BEST JOKE OF THE SUMMER! See the main page.

Thursday, July 22
Why does a pool noodle never get upset?  It knows how to go with the flow.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5

Tuesday, July 27
What did the car say when it went through the car wash?  "Finally, a bubble bath!"
Me: (3)   Justin: 5
Justin LOVES the car wash. He screams the whole time, the good kind of screaming.

Friday, July 30
Why did the kite get the best grade in the class?  It was always at the top.
Me: (1)   Justin: 5

August

Tuesday, August 3
Why did the lawn mower go to summer camp?  To learn some cutting-edge crafts.
Me: NO CORN!   Justin: 5
I had to ask what "cutting edge" means. Then it was still bad.

Thursday, August 5
Why did the corn on the cob stay home from the picnic?  It was all buttered up with nowhere to go.
Me: (1)   Justin: 5
Dad FINALLY did a corn joke, on a corn page, and it was a 1. Mom says that is "ironic." I looked it up and she is right.

Wednesday, August 11
Why did the ant bring a map to the picnic?  So it wouldn't get lost on the way to the potato salad.
Me: (1)   Justin: 5
That's not even a joke. That's just what ants do.

Monday, August 16
Why did the bike helmet get an award?  It always used its head.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5

Friday, August 20
What did the school supplies at the store say to each other?  "Get ready. Here she comes."
Me: (2)   Justin: 5
We bought my school supplies that night. My new pencil box is green and it has a little drawer.

Monday, August 23
Why did the backpack eat such a big breakfast?  It knew it had a heavy load ahead.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5

Wednesday, August 25 (FIRST DAY OF 4TH GRADE)
Why was the brand-new eraser nervous on the first day of school?  It didn't want to make any mistakes. (But that's its whole job.)
Me: (3)   Justin: 5
Dad says this one is about me. I was not nervous. I was a little nervous.

Thursday, August 26
What did the school bus say to the bus stop?  "See you tomorrow, same time."
Me: (1)   Justin: 5
That is not a joke, Dad. That is just what a bus does.

Friday, August 27
Why did the clock get to join the school band?  It already had great timing.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5

Monday, August 30
Why did the globe go to the school nurse?  It had a whole world of problems.
Me: (2)   Justin: 5

Tuesday, August 31
Why was the calendar so happy at breakfast?  It was finally time to turn the page.
Me: (1)   Justin: 5
Last day of August! Then it was September, and September is on the main page.

SUMMER SCORE: 26 jokes. One 5 (the firefly!!), one 4, six 3s, ten 2s, seven 1s and one big fat ZERO. Justin gave 26 fives.