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We've been arguing about this since our first date in 1993, when Ricardo said he could never marry a cat person and Jeannie said that was fine because she wasn't asking. Six years, one wedding, one boxer and two cats later, we still haven't settled it. So we're letting you decide.
How it works: In each round, we each make our case. Ricardo's in blue, Jeannie's in red. You read both sides and e-mail us your vote for each round (one vote per person per round, please; we know who you are, Aunt Sylvia). We add them up every Sunday night at the kitchen table.
CURRENT SCORE
DOGS 412
CATS 409
Jeannie would like it noted that Cats have won seven of the ten rounds.
Ricardo would like it noted that that's not how scoring works.
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JUMP TO ROUND: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Rebuttals | Readers' Letters
RICARDO
When I'm on a 24-hour shift at the station, Tank sleeps by the front door until my truck pulls in. Every time. He doesn't care if I've been gone a day or ten minutes; I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. Dogs are pack animals. I'm his pack. You can't buy that, and you sure can't get it from something that looks at you like it's deciding whether to keep you. |
JEANNIE
Cats are loyal. They're just discreet about it. Chula follows me from room to room and sits outside the bathroom door until I come out. Gordo knows the sound of my car from the end of the street and is on the windowsill before I turn into the driveway. A cat's loyalty isn't a show. It's a choice they make every day, and they make it for me. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 61 – CATS 29 (round to DOGS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 61, Cats 29 |
RICARDO
I'll admit Tank eats a forty-pound bag of food about every three weeks. But Tank has never needed a single bag of litter, and I'd like everybody to add up what two cats go through in litter in a year. I carry those bags in from the car. I know. |
JEANNIE
I work at an animal clinic and I see the bills. A big dog generally costs more than a cat for almost everything: more food, bigger boarding fees, and the monthly heartworm pill is dosed by weight, so a 65-pound boxer costs more than a 10-pound cat every single month. Two cats still cost us less than one Tank. I have the receipts in a shoebox. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 30 – CATS 48 (round to CATS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 91, Cats 77 |
RICARDO
Boxers aren't big barkers, and Tank barks at exactly one thing: the mail carrier. That's not noise, that's security. Mostly what Tank does is snore, and Jeannie snores too, so I don't see why that's held against him. |
JEANNIE
Gordo yowls for breakfast at 4 a.m. I'll admit it. But here's something we say at the clinic: grown cats hardly ever meow at each other. They save it for people. So when Gordo yells at me, he's talking to me, personally. Tank snores loud enough to rattle the blinds, and I do NOT snore. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 27 – CATS 50 (round to CATS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 118, Cats 127 |
RICARDO
Tank gets on the couch and takes the whole thing. Fair point. But he's warm and he leans on you during the movie, and when you get up he keeps your spot warm for you. That's teamwork. |
JEANNIE
A cat takes one cushion. The best cushion, yes, but one. A cat leaves a little hair. A boxer leaves hair AND drool, because boxers have those big loose jowls, and the arm of our couch has a permanent damp spot I call Lake Tank. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 41 – CATS 43 (round to CATS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 159, Cats 170 |
RICARDO
Tank goes to my mom's in Kingsville when we travel, and she spoils him rotten and he comes back two pounds heavier. Or he comes with us. Try taking a cat to the beach. |
JEANNIE
For a weekend, cats can stay home in their own house if a neighbor comes by twice a day for food, water and the litter box. Please don't leave a cat alone longer than that without somebody checking, especially a chubby boy like Gordo. A heavy cat who stops eating can get a serious liver problem, and we see it at the clinic every year. Short trip: cats win. Long trip: get a sitter. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 24 – CATS 52 (round to CATS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 183, Cats 222 |
RICARDO
Tank gets his bath with the hose in the driveway on Saturday mornings and he loves it, more or less. Then he rolls in the grass. Then he gets another bath. It's our time together. |
JEANNIE
Cats spend a good part of every day grooming themselves. They're clean animals. I've bathed cats at work, when we had to, and I have the scars to prove it, but at home I have never once had to bathe Chula or Gordo. Yes, there are hairballs. That's the price of a clean cat, and I'll pay it. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 33 – CATS 49 (round to CATS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 216, Cats 271 |
RICARDO
Gordo had his teeth cleaned this spring, under anesthesia, and I saw that bill. Tank's teeth are fine. I'm just saying. |
JEANNIE
Speaking as a vet tech: both need a checkup every year and their shots. In Texas the law says dogs and cats both get their rabies vaccine. Dogs here on the Gulf Coast also need a heartworm preventive every month, all year, because our mosquitoes never take a winter off. (Cats can get heartworm too, though less often, so ask your vet.) And I'd like to remind the gentleman that Tank ate a box of Valentine's chocolates in 1997. Chocolate is poisonous to dogs. That was an emergency visit, on a Saturday night. The cats have never eaten anything they shouldn't. Well. Not on a Saturday. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 38 – CATS 40 (round to CATS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 254, Cats 311 |
RICARDO
Tank knows sit, stay, down, shake, roll over, and "Where's Jeannie?" (he goes and finds her). He learned all of it for a little piece of cheese. Try teaching a cat to roll over. |
JEANNIE
Chula has taught herself to open the pantry door. Nobody showed her. Gordo can hear the can opener from the far end of the house through a closed door. You can train a cat, and some people do; cats just don't see why they should do it on your schedule. That's not a lack of brains. That's judgment. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 44 – CATS 46 (round to CATS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 298, Cats 357 |
ROUND 9
WHO GREETS YOU AT THE DOOR |
RICARDO
Boxer people call it the kidney bean dance. Tank gets so happy when I come home that he curls his whole body into a C shape and wiggles from his nose to his stub of a tail. Every day. I've had bad days at work, the kind I don't talk about, and I come home and there's Tank, wiggling. This round isn't close and everybody knows it. |
JEANNIE
Chula comes to the door. Eventually. Gordo greets you from on top of the refrigerator, which I maintain counts. Fine. I'll give him this one. But I want it on the record that I'm the one Tank wiggles for first when we come in together. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 68 – CATS 18 (round to DOGS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 366, Cats 375 |
ROUND 10
WHO KEEPS YOU WARMER ON A COLD NIGHT |
RICARDO
A cold night in Corpus Christi comes about twice a year, when a norther blows through in January. On those nights I've got sixty-five pounds of boxer on the bed. That's a furnace. Your cats are a pair of mittens. |
JEANNIE
Here's the vet tech fact: dogs and cats both run warmer than we do. A normal temperature for either one is somewhere around 101 to 102.5 degrees, against our 98.6. So both of them are little heaters. But Chula sleeps right on my feet, which is where I'm cold, and Tank sleeps across the middle of the bed, which is where Ricardo is supposed to be. |
READERS' VOTES: DOGS 46 – CATS 34 (round to DOGS)
RUNNING TOTAL: Dogs 412, Cats 409 |
THE REBUTTALS
We let the fighters speak for themselves. (We typed. They dictated.) |
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 TANK
I don't understand what there is to debate. I love everybody. I love Ricardo. I love Jeannie. I love the mail carrier, I just have to tell him about it very loudly. I love Chula and Gordo, even though Gordo ate out of my bowl on Tuesday and I let him. Can we go outside? Is it time to go outside? Is that the leash?
 CHULA
I was not aware there was a debate. I was asleep in the sunny spot on the bed, which is mine. I have reviewed the arguments and find them beneath me. I will say only this: of the three animals in this house, only one can open the pantry. Draw your own conclusions.
GORDO
Is there food at this debate? I heard there would be food. The dog's food is better than my food and I'm not sorry. Also it is almost four in the morning somewhere. Somebody should get up.
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CAST YOUR VOTE!
E-mail us with your vote for each round you've read, Dog or Cat, and your first name and where you live. Want to tell us why? We print the best letters on the Readers' Letters page.
[email protected]
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Fans in attendance:
   
since the opening bell, February 14, 1999
Scores last tallied and page last updated:
Sunday, September 19, 1999
A Ricardo and Jeannie Velazquez production. No animals were harmed in the making of this argument.
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