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Last spring the fluorescent tube over my bench in the EE lab burned out. It took four graduate students, one facilities work order, two follow-up phone calls and nine days to get it changed. Somewhere around day six, I started writing lightbulb jokes to pass the time. I haven't stopped.

I'm Glenn Christy, and I'm a second-year electrical engineering grad student at NC State in Raleigh. I've been collecting these since my undergrad days, and most of what's here I wrote myself. The ones readers sent in are on the second page with their names. Every profession on this page is somebody's mom or dad or roommate, so I've tried to keep it friendly. If your job's not here, write one and send it in.

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to depreciate the old one over five years.
75 watts

How many auto mechanics does it take?
One. But while he's in there, he notices your socket's shot, your wiring's older than you are, and he can't get the part till Thursday.
100 watts

How many bank tellers does it take?
One, but this window is closed. Please step to the next window.
60 watts

How many chemists does it take?
One, after she writes down the old bulb's wattage, color and smell in her lab notebook. In pen. Dated and initialed.
75 watts

How many dentists does it take?
Just one. You'll feel a little pressure.
75 watts

How many doctors does it take?
One, after an X-ray, two specialists and a follow-up appointment in six weeks.
75 watts

How many economists does it take?
Two, and they will disagree about whether it's dark.
100 watts

How many electrical engineers does it take?
None. The bulb is fine. The problem is upstream at the breaker panel, and he'd be happy to show you on a diagram.
100 watts (I may be biased)

How many electrical engineering grad students does it take?
One, but he'll spend three weeks designing a better socket first.
60 watts (my roommate says this one is just a description of me)

How many farmers does it take?
One, but not until the beans are in.
75 watts

How many firefighters does it take?
One, and he'll check the batteries in your smoke detector while he's up there.
60 watts (and good advice)

How many graduate students does it take?
One. It will take him six years, and his advisor will be first author.
100 watts. My advisor, Dr. Christian, says this one is "not funny and also not true." I note that she did not deny the first-author part.

How many lawyers does it take?
One. But first you'll need to sign here, and here, and initial here.
60 watts

How many librarians does it take?
One, but she'll catalog the old bulb under 621.32 first.
100 watts if you know what 621.32 is (it's lighting)