Ms. Pac-Man has a love story in her. Between some of the boards she stops and plays a little cartoon, and each one starts with a little movie clapper with the act number on it. There are three. Together they're the whole story of how she met Pac-Man, fell for him, and had a baby. I have seen them a few thousand times each and I still watch every one. You can't skip them, and I wouldn't if you could.

Pac-Man comes in from one side with Inky right behind him. Ms. Pac-Man comes in from the other side with Pinky behind her. They're about to run smack into each other, and at the last second they both go up, and the two ghosts crash into each other instead. Then Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man meet at the top of the screen and a little heart pops up over them.

That's it. That's the whole thing. It's about six seconds long and it's the most romantic thing I saw in all of 1982, and I was eighteen.

Now they're a couple, and they chase each other back and forth across the screen, first one way and then the other, taking turns. Then they stop for a second, and then they go again, faster. It's flirting. Any waitress could tell you that. My ex-husband said it looked like a fight. That should have told me something.

Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man are waiting at the bottom of the screen. A stork flies over carrying a bundle, and drops it, and the bundle lands in front of them and opens up, and it's a baby Pac. That's the end of the story.

In September of 1989 I was seven months along with my son and I got to Act III for the first time in a while, and I stood there and cried in front of the machine at one in the morning. Ed brought me a napkin and a glass of milk and didn't say one word about it. I still can't watch Junior without thinking about that.

A truck stop off I-70 gets drivers from everywhere. After seventeen years there's a whole crowd of them who know about the board, and when they come through, they try. Most of them are very nice about losing to a hairdresser. Here are the ones who've made it on the board, and one who almost did.

LUCKY SEVEN (LKY) · 131,470
The only one who ever beat me. Tuesday, April 16, 1996. He was hauling furniture out of North Carolina, I think, and he had a layover, and he played for an hour and fifty minutes straight while Ed stood there with the marker. When he finished he had 131,470, and my best was 127,310. Ed called me at the shop the next morning before I'd even turned the lights on. He said, "Donna, I'm sorry." Like somebody died.

I went out that night and every night for sixteen days. On Thursday, May 2, I put up 133,900 and took my spot back. Lucky Seven came through again that July, looked at the board, laughed, and bought me a piece of pie. He's been back about once a year since. He's never beaten it again. He hasn't stopped trying, and I respect him for it, and that's why his line stays up there.

BIG SWEDE (SWD) · 118,260
The one who almost did. Thursday, November 18, 1993, he came within 210 points of my best, which I had set that July. He's a giant, six foot five, out of Minnesota, hauling paper, and he plays hunched over like the machine owes him money. He stops through every month or so and he always says "this is the one." It hasn't been the one yet.

NIGHT OWL (OWL) · 104,880
Only comes through between two and four in the morning. One game per stop, never two. I've only met him twice. Ed says he's the most polite man who's ever eaten at the counter.

TUMBLEWEED (TMB) · 88,600
Hauls cattle, out of Kansas. You know when he's in the building. He says the machine is rigged against anybody from west of the Mississippi.

PREACHER (PRE) · 71,930
Plays gospel tapes in his rig and says a short prayer before every game. Says he's not praying to win. Says he's praying for patience with Sue. I understand completely.

CORNBREAD (CB) · 64,120
Won't play if anybody is watching. Ed signed his line off from behind the register, through the pie case. That counts.

AND THE NAMELESS DRIVER
Who cracked the joystick in 1991. He is not on the board. He will never be on the board. Ed has his picture behind the register, and it's not a nice picture.

If you drive I-70 through Indiana, stop in. Ask Ed where she is. He'll point.