What's up. I'm Andre Wallace. Every weeknight at 11:35 I was on the couch for Dave. Now I work nights at a video store out on City Line Avenue, so I tape the show and watch it at two in the morning with a bowl of cereal, which honestly might be better. Dave has been doing Top Ten lists since the '80s, and somewhere around my junior year of high school I started writing my own in the back of my notebooks. My sister finally told me to put them on the Internet so she could stop hearing them at dinner.

So here they are. A new one goes up every Monday. I don't work for CBS, Dave has no idea who I am, and the Top Ten List is his thing, but every joke on this page came off my couch.

THE COUCH RULES

1. Ten items. Counting down. Always.
2. Number one is supposed to be the funniest. Sometimes it even is.
3. Clean enough for my grandmother. She reads this every Monday on her WebTV and calls me about it Tuesday.
4. Make fun of situations, not people. Except me. Me is fair game.

YOUR TURN

Once a month I run a list written by readers. The best ten entries make it, and your first name and state go next to your joke. October's topic is Top Ten Signs Your Halloween Costume Needs Work. Send yours to [email protected] by the 15th.

OLDER LISTS

Beanie Babies, Pokemon, barbers, cookouts and the week in July the whole city melted: the Couch Top Ten archive.

COUCH STATS