My name's Curtis Nyberg. My sister married a guy named Dwight in the spring of 1997, and at the reception somebody mentioned Mario Kart, and the two of us have been trying to beat each other's times ever since. We live forty miles apart. We mail each other Controller Paks with our ghosts on them. My sister thinks we are both crazy, and she's the one who bought him the game.

This page is the official scoreboard. Every time is 3 laps, Time Trials, 150cc, done on a real N64, witnessed by at least one person who isn't us. Red means whoever's holding that track right now.

• The start. There's a boost off the line if you hit the gas at just the right moment in the countdown. Dwight says the instant the second light comes on. I say a hair after. We are each right about half the time.
• Power slides. Hold R to hop into a slide around a turn, then rock the stick back and forth against the turn. The smoke behind your kart changes color. When it's changed a couple of times, let go of R and you get a little boost. Do this on every turn you can. It adds up to seconds.
• Mushrooms. You get three in Time Trials. Don't blow them on the first straightaway. Figure out where each one saves the most. On Koopa Troopa Beach one of them goes on the rock ramp, obviously.
• Pick a driver and stick with him. I drive Yoshi. Dwight drives Toad. We have argued about the light guys versus Bowser and Wario and D.K. for two years. Light guys get up to speed faster and handle better. The heavy guys have a higher top speed. Pick what fits the track, or just pick Yoshi.
• Race your own ghost. If you've got a Controller Pak you can save a ghost of your best run and race against it. Watching where you lose ground to yourself is the fastest way to get better.
• The staff ghosts. On Luigi Raceway, Mario Raceway and Royal Raceway, if you beat a certain time, a ghost made by the people who made the game shows up to race you. Beating those ghosts is the first real goal for a time trialer. I have all three. Dwight has two, and I will not say which one he's missing, except that it's Royal Raceway.

1. A time counts only if somebody else saw it, or it's on a Controller Pak ghost.
2. No GameShark. Ever.
3. The loser of the season buys the Thanksgiving pie. Last year I bought the pie.
4. No calling each other after midnight to announce a new time. (My sister's rule. Dwight broke it in May. The pie situation is under review.)