Messages Left on My Machine

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6
NEW MESSAGES
(the best ones people have left on MY machine, typed up word for word)

I save the good tapes. Gordon says I have a problem. I say I have a collection. These are real messages from real people I love, typed up exactly as they came off the tape, and posted with their permission, except for the pizza man, who I couldn't find again.

<< back to the outgoing messages

MESSAGE 1 FROM: Mom TUESDAY, 10:14 A.M.
"Hello, Carolyn, this is your mother. I am calling to see if you got the coupons I mailed. They're for the laundry soap you like. The good one. Call me when you get a chance, I'm home all day except I have hair at two. Okay. Love, Mom. Catherine. Your mother."
She signs every message like a letter. Every one. Three different ways. I would not change a thing about her.

MESSAGE 2 FROM: Gordon's dad SATURDAY, 8:02 A.M.
"Hello? ... Hello? ... Is this the machine? ... Gordon, it's your father. ... I'll wait. ... "
Followed by one minute and fifty seconds of Ira waiting, the radio playing polka in the background, and a teakettle. Then the tape ran out. He's seventy-one and he knows exactly what a machine is. I think he just likes to wait.

MESSAGE 3 FROM: A stranger FRIDAY, 6:37 P.M.
"Yeah, hi, I'd like a large pepperoni, a large sausage and mushroom, and one of those cinnamon things. For delivery. ... Hello? ... Oh, is this a machine? Do you guys take orders on the machine? ... I'll just leave it. It's for Derek, he's at the apartments by the high school. Thanks."
Derek, if you're out there, we didn't know how to reach you, and we've always felt bad. I hope you ate.

MESSAGE 4 FROM: Stephanie THURSDAY, 10:01 P.M.
"Carolyn! Did you see it? Did you watch it? Okay, if you didn't watch it, don't listen to this. Okay, so they're at the wedding, and she walks in, and he sees her, and then the brother... "
This goes on for the entire rest of the tape. I had not watched it. I had it on the VCR to watch later. I have never forgiven her, and she is still my best friend.

MESSAGE 5 FROM: My brother Paul SUNDAY, 4:45 P.M.
"Hey, it's me, I'm on the cell phone in the car, I'm going to be about... [crackle] ... so don't wait on... [crackle] ... and tell Gordon I've got his... [long crackle] ... okay, see you then!"
He got his first cell phone in June and has not left one complete message since. We still don't know what he has of Gordon's. Gordon thinks it's his ladder.

MESSAGE 6 FROM: Carlos, age 6 WEDNESDAY, 3:30 P.M.
"Hi Mom, it's Carlos, I'm at Grandma's, I just wanted to say hi. ... Hi. ... Okay, that's all. ... Oh! Grandma says hi. ... Okay, bye. ... I love you. Bye."
This one never gets taped over. Ever. I've got it on the shelf with a piece of masking tape that says DO NOT RECORD.

Got a message on your machine that you saved for years? Type it up and send it to me.
[email protected]

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Last updated Monday, September 13, 1999