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We asked at the June meeting: what do you wish someone had told you when you brought them home?
Two hours and a lot of laughing later, this is what we had. None of us are doctors, so anything
medical goes to your pediatrician. But all of us have done the 3 a.m. feeding times two.
Feeding Two at Once
Nursing
Yes, you can nurse twins, and many of us did. A twin nursing pillow, the big horseshoe kind that
holds a baby on each side, is worth every penny; we have three in the lending closet. Most moms
start with one baby at a time, then try both together in the "football hold," one baby tucked
under each arm. A lactation consultant at the hospital can help you get started. Eat, drink a
glass of water every time you sit down, and let somebody else do everything else.
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Bottles
Sit on the couch or the floor with both babies in bouncy seats in front of you and a bottle in each
hand. Or feed one while the other waits in the swing, and switch. Never prop a bottle and
walk away, no matter how tired you are; a baby can choke. Make up a whole day of bottles at once
and keep them in the fridge. Two of everything by the bed at night.
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The big one: when one wakes up to eat, wake the other. Every mom in the room said this. If you
feed them on separate schedules, you will be feeding somebody around the clock. Together, you get a
couple of hours in between. It feels mean the first few nights. It's not.
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Keeping Track of Who Ate (and Who Didn't)
At 3 a.m. you will not remember whether you fed Baby A or fed Baby A twice. Nobody does. So:
- A chart on the fridge, with a column for each baby: time, ounces or which side, wet
diaper, dirty diaper, medicine. Some of us used a spiral notebook by the changing table; Lesley
Ritchie made a chart on her computer and printed a week at a time.
- Color-code everything. One baby gets blue, the other gets green: bottles, pacifiers,
burp cloths, the column on the chart. We had Tony in blue and Brandon in green until they were
three, and Curtis still buys their toothbrushes that way.
- Telling identicals apart in the first weeks: a dot of nail polish on one baby's big toe
(redo it after every bath), or keep the hospital bracelets on a while longer. Several of us confess
we weren't completely sure for a day or two. The babies will forgive you.
The Great Double Stroller Debate
The question that has started more arguments at our meetings than politics. Here are both sides,
in fairness:
Side by Side
For: Both kids get the same view and nobody fights over the front seat. Easy to reach both
of them. Usually lighter.
Against: Wide. Most fit through a standard door, but not every store aisle, and you'll
learn which shops in your neighborhood have the narrow racks. Hard on curb cuts.
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Front and Back
For: As narrow as a single stroller, so it goes everywhere. Many take an infant car seat
in the early months.
Against: Long and heavy to push and turn. The kid in back sees the back of the other kid's
head, and you will hear about it. Daily.
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Our June poll: 34 side-by-side, 23 front-and-back, 4 "both, eventually," and 3 who said "we
just used the wagon." Try them in the store with a bag of flour in each seat before you buy, and
check that it folds into your trunk. Or come to the sale on October 9 and get here early.
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Same Classroom or Different?
There's no one right answer, and anybody who tells you there is hasn't met your kids. Some
schools used to separate twins automatically; more of them now let parents decide. Things to think
about:
Together might be better if...
they're shy, they comfort each other, it's their first time away from home, or one would worry about the other all day. |
Apart might be better if...
one always speaks for the other, they compete over everything, they act up as a team, or one is always being compared to the other. |
Talk to the teacher, watch your kids, and remember you can change your mind at the end of the
year. Tony and Brandon are in the same preschool class this fall. Kindergarten is next year, and
we'll decide then. Come to the October 14 meeting for the teacher's talk.
Two People, Not One
- Call them by their names, not "the twins." It's harder than it sounds.
- Dress them alike if you love it. Plenty of us do. Just let them pick when they're old enough to have
opinions, which with Brandon was about eighteen months.
- Two birthday cakes, two "Happy Birthday"s. Two sets of candles to blow out.
- Time alone with each one, even ten minutes at the grocery store, is gold.
- Don't forget the big sister or brother. Charlotte got a "big sister day" every Saturday morning for the whole first year, just her and me and the pancake house.
Taking Care of You
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Say yes to help. When someone says "let me know if you need anything," hand them a job. Keep a
list on the fridge: fold laundry, run the dishwasher, hold a baby while I shower, pick up diapers. People
want to help. Let them.
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Sleep when they sleep. We know. Everybody says it and nobody does it. Do it anyway, at least once a
day. The dishes will still be there, and so will we.
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The baby blues are real, and so is postpartum depression. If you feel hopeless, can't sleep
even when the babies do, or just don't feel like yourself for more than a couple of weeks, please tell
your doctor. It isn't weakness and it isn't your fault, and it gets better with help. Then call your
mentor mom. That's what she's there for.
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And the safety basics, times two: put babies to sleep on their backs, the "Back to Sleep" way;
check that car seats are installed right (many fire stations will look at yours for free); and keep
a list of emergency numbers by every phone.
Have a tip we missed? Send it in and we'll add it, with your first name if you like.
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