SAME DESK, NEW NAME Transitioning on the job: notes from one engineer, for others and their employers
PREPARED BY: Linda Julien  ·  DOC. NO. LJ-0001  ·  REV. D  ·  DATE: September 12, 1999  ·  SHEET 1 OF 2 (sheet 2: for managers and coworkers)

CONTENTS: 1.0 Background · 2.0 Planning · 3.0 Implementation · 4.0 Results · 5.0 Recommendations · 6.0 References · 7.0 Revision History

1.1 Scope. This page describes one person's transition from male to female while keeping the same job, at the same desk, with the same people. It is written for transgendered and transsexual people who are thinking about doing the same, and for the people they work with. It is not medical or legal advice. I am an engineer. I will tell you what I did and what I measured.

1.2 Who I am. My name is Linda Julien. I am 53. I have been an electrical engineer at a power utility in Minneapolis for twenty-seven years, since 1972. For most of that time I have designed protective relaying for substations: the equipment that notices when something has gone wrong on the system and opens the right breakers before the problem spreads. I mention this because it is, by temperament, what I do: I plan for failures in advance.

1.3 Summary. In April 1998, after many years of private struggle, after three years with a counselor, and under a doctor's care, I went on a one-week vacation as one person and came back as Linda. I came back to the same desk. I still have it.

1.4 History. I have known since I was a small child that something about me did not match what everyone saw. I did what a lot of people of my generation did: I put it away and tried very hard to be what was expected. I was a good student, I served in the Navy, I married, and I worked. Those years were not a lie, and they were not wasted. But the thing I had put away did not stay put.

Faye and I were married for twenty-five years. She knew before anyone else did. We divorced in 1994, on friendly terms, and we remain friends. She has been gracious far beyond what anyone could have asked of her, and I won't say more about her here because it is her story too.

In 1995 I began seeing a counselor, Dr. Casper, who specializes in gender issues. He was the first person who let me talk about all of it without hurrying me toward any particular answer. The decisions that followed were made slowly, carefully, and with professional help, which I recommend without reservation (see 6.1).

1.5 Family. I have two grown children. My daughter Heather is 28. When I told her, she was quiet for a long time and then asked if she could take me shopping, which I understood to be a yes. My son Joel is 25. It has been harder for him, and I understand why. He calls on Sundays now. We mostly talk about the Vikings. After the NFC Championship game on Sunday, January 17, 1999, we were on the phone for an hour, grieving together over a field goal, and it was one of the best conversations we've had in years. He is coming around in his own time, and his own time is fine with me.

2.1 Timeline. I began planning about six months before the change. Six months was enough. Less would have felt rushed; more, I think, would have been hard to bear.

2.2 Human Resources. I made an appointment with our HR generalist, Kathryn, and told her I needed to talk about something confidential. I brought a three-ring binder: a letter from my counselor, a copy of the Minnesota Human Rights Act, a proposed timeline, and a list of every record with my name on it. Kathryn told me later that she had never had this request before, and that the binder was the most organized thing anyone had ever brought into her office. We worked through it together over several meetings. She treated it as what it was: a personnel matter to be handled well.

2.3 Records checklist. Everything with a name on it has to change on the same day, or someone will be embarrassed, usually you. Ours included: ID badge and photo, building access card, e-mail address and the global address list, phone directory, voice mail greeting, nameplate on the cubicle, business cards, payroll and benefits (after the legal name change), parking permit, training records, the professional registration file, and the sign-out board by the elevator. I suggest making the list early and then walking the building looking for your name.

2.4 The letter. I wrote a one-page letter to my work group, thirty-one people. It said, roughly: you have known me for a long time; I am transsexual; I have been under professional care; after my vacation I will be coming to work as Linda; I would appreciate being called Linda and "she"; I know this is new, and mistakes are understandable; my work will not change; please direct questions to my supervisor or to HR if you aren't comfortable asking me. I rewrote it eleven times. Shorter was better every time.

2.5 The meeting. On Thursday, April 9, 1998, my supervisor, Floyd, and Kathryn met with the group, handed out the letter, and answered questions. I was not in the room. That was deliberate, so people could react honestly without having to manage my feelings. Floyd opened by saying that I was a valued engineer, that the company would support me, and that he expected everyone to treat me with the same professional courtesy as anyone else. That one sentence from a supervisor, I am convinced, did more than anything I could have said myself.

3.1 The first day. Monday, April 20, 1998. Heather took the day off work, drove me in, parked, and walked me through the lobby, up the elevator, and all the way to my desk. Then she hugged me and went home. I sat down and turned on my computer because I did not know what else to do. My new nameplate was already on the cubicle. Someone had left a coffee mug on my desk with a bow on it, and to this day I don't know who.

The first person to speak to me was Cecil, a line crew foreman who has been at the company even longer than I have and who is not, by reputation, a sensitive man. He stopped at my cubicle and said, "Morning, Linda. You still got those relay settings for the Northeast job?" I did. That was the whole conversation. I could have hugged him, which would have alarmed us both.

3.2 The restroom question. Everyone worries about this, so here is how it was settled. For the first weeks, by agreement with HR, I used the single-occupancy restroom on the third floor near the first-aid room. After about two months, also by agreement, I began using the women's restroom. One coworker told HR privately that she was uncomfortable. Kathryn met with her, listened, and told her that the single-occupancy restroom was available to her as well, any time she liked. As far as I know, that was the end of it. Nobody needed a policy manual. People needed a sensible answer and a little time.

3.3 Colleagues who surprised me, both ways. I made predictions. Many of them were wrong.

• Jeffry, a younger engineer I had mentored and counted as a friend for ten years, avoided me for most of a year. I had expected him to be fine. We are cordial now. I think he did not know what to say and was afraid of saying it wrong, and the longer he waited the harder it got. That is a lesson for coworkers, and I have put it on sheet 2.
• Cecil, see 3.1. He also brought me coffee on the second morning, and has never once mentioned any of it since.
• Alvin, from the drafting room, quietly corrects anyone who gets my name wrong, every time, in the same tone he uses to correct a misplaced decimal.
• Leonard, a deacon at his church, asked to speak with me in the first week. He told me honestly that he did not understand this, and that his faith had a lot to say about it, and that his faith also told him to treat me with respect, and that was what he was going to do. He has. We eat lunch together most Thursdays.

4.1 Field data, seventeen months in.

4.2 Personal. I sleep through the night. I had not known, until I did, how much of my energy for thirty years had gone into holding something closed. Whatever I spent on that is now available for other things, including, apparently, building web pages.

For anyone thinking about transitioning on the job. These are mine, from one data point. Your circumstances will differ.

5.1 Do not do this alone. Find a counselor who knows this field, and follow the professional standards of care (6.1). They exist to protect you, and they give you time to be sure.

5.2 Know the law where you work before you tell anyone. In Minnesota you are protected (6.3). In many places you are not, or the protection is only a city ordinance. Find out.

5.3 Go to Human Resources first, and go with a plan in writing. You are asking them to help with something most of them have never done. Make it easy to say yes.

5.4 Let your supervisor set the tone. Ask him or her to say, out loud, that you are valued and that professional courtesy is expected.

5.5 Keep doing excellent work. It should not have to be this way, but your work is your best argument, and it is one nobody can interrupt.

5.6 Expect surprises in both directions, and do not keep score. The friend who disappoints you may come back. The person you feared may bring you coffee.

5.7 Give your family more time than you think they need. You have had decades to understand this. They have had weeks.

5.8 Be generous with mistakes. People who slip on your name and correct themselves are trying. Thank them.

6.1 Standards of Care. The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association publishes the Standards of Care, the professional guidelines that counselors and physicians in this field follow for the evaluation and care of transsexual people. A qualified counselor will know them well. Ask yours to go through them with you.

6.2 Support group. I attend a support group for transgendered people and their families that meets the second Saturday of every month in the basement of a church in St. Paul. It has been a lifeline. The members don't advertise the location on the Internet, for good reasons, but if you are in the Twin Cities, write to me and I will put you in touch.

6.3 Minnesota Human Rights Act. Since 1993, the Minnesota Human Rights Act has protected transgendered people from discrimination in employment, housing, public accommodations and other areas. It was the first state law in the country to do so. The Minnesota Department of Human Rights can answer questions about it. If you work outside Minnesota, check your own state and city.

6.4 For managers and coworkers. See sheet 2, a practical note I wrote at Kathryn's suggestion, for the people on the other side of the desk.

Comments and corrections are welcome. I answer all mail, usually within a week. [email protected] Readers since June 1998: Last updated September 12, 1999 (Rev. D).