THE OFFICIAL RULES OF SHOTGUN

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THE OFFICIAL RULES
OF SHOTGUN
As written down by Albert, age 16, in the summer of 1999.
Binding on all passengers. Posted on the refrigerator and in the glove compartment.

Shotgun is the front passenger seat. If you call it, and you call it the right way, it's yours. If you don't call it the right way, it isn't, no matter how loud you yell. That's the whole idea. The rest of this page is details, but the details are where every argument in my family happens.

Some background. I'm the middle of three brothers. Jeffrey is 18 and has his license and a 1986 Buick with one working speaker. Jamie is 12. I'm 16 and have my learner's permit. Being in the middle means I've been on both sides of every shotgun fight in this family, which makes me the most qualified person to write the rules down, in my opinion, and in nobody else's.

This summer Grandpa had his knee fixed, so since May my mom has been driving us up to my grandparents' every other weekend to help out. Dad has been working weekends. That means three hours each way with three brothers, Mom, and one front seat. On Sunday, June 6, the argument about the front seat started in our driveway and was still going when we pulled into Grandma's, and on the way home Mom pulled over at a rest area and said that if she heard the word "shotgun" one more time she was going to sell the van and buy a motorcycle with one seat.

So that night I wrote the rules down. Mom read them and crossed some things out and added three rules of her own (you can tell which ones). Dad read them and said "Fine." Jeffrey said "Whatever," which under family law counts as yes. Jamie signed it in protest. They have been the law in our family since June 6, 1999, and nobody has had to buy a motorcycle.

ARTICLE I
WHEN SHOTGUN MAY BE CALLED

Section 1. Shotgun may only be called for a trip that is actually happening. A trip is actually happening when a person with a driver's license has the keys in their hand and is walking toward the car. Keys on the hook by the door do not count. Mom saying "We're leaving in five minutes" does not count either, because that has never once been true.

Section 2. Shotgun is called by saying the word "shotgun" out loud, at a normal volume or louder, so that at least one other person hears it. Whispering it does not count. Writing it on a note does not count. Thinking it really hard does not count. Saying "shot-" and then sneezing does not count, Jamie.

Section 3. The person calling it has to be outside and has to be able to see the car.

Section 4. If you do all of the above, you have shotgun, subject to the 22 Rules below, the Amendments, and the Supreme Court of Mom.

THE 22 RULES
Rules marked with a ★ were added by Mom.

1	The Word. The word is "shotgun." Not "front seat," not "I call it," not "mine," and not pointing at the car with a serious face. "Dibs" is for food. It has never been for seats.
2	The Car Must Be in Sight. You have to see the actual car. Seeing the garage door does not count, even if everybody knows the van is behind it. Seeing the van's reflection in the storm door does not count either, because if you can see the storm door you're still inside (see Rule 3).
3	Both Feet Outside. One foot on the porch and one in the kitchen is a Threshold Call, and it's void. Calling it through a window is void. Calling it from the bathroom is void and also gross.
4	No Calling It the Night Before. You can't call it at bedtime for tomorrow. You can't call it at breakfast for after church. A call has to meet Article I, Section 1, at the moment you make it. Early calls don't wait around for the trip to catch up to them. They just expire.
5	First Voice Wins. The first person to say it gets it. If two or more people say it at exactly the same time, it's a tie. Ties are covered by Amendment III.
6	The Driver's Veto. The driver can overrule any call, once per trip, for any reason or for no reason. The driver doesn't have to explain. It's the driver's car, or at least the driver's turn with it.
7	The Body Rule. A legal call beats a body in the seat, if the body sat down after the call was made. If the body was in the seat first, the body wins, and the caller should have been faster. You can't save the seat with a backpack, a jacket, a Discman, a pillow, or a little brother.
8	Grandma Always Gets Shotgun. No call beats Grandma. Grandma has never called shotgun in her life. She says, "Oh, I'll sit anywhere, honey," and then she walks around to the front door, and that is correct. This rule cannot be amended, appealed or discussed.
9	Grandpa. Grandpa can have shotgun any time he wants it. He never wants it. He likes the middle row, where he can put his hat over his face and sleep. If he ever does want it, see Rule 8, which applies to him too.
10	Girlfriends. A girlfriend counts only if the driver says so. When Jeffrey drives, his girlfriend Tracy sits in front, by Rule 6, every time. When Mom drives, Tracy is a regular passenger and has to call it like everybody else. (Tracy has never called it. She's very nice about the whole thing, which honestly makes it harder to argue with Jeffrey.) This rule does not apply to me at this time.
11	The Whole Way. Shotgun lasts for the whole trip, one way. Stops under twenty minutes don't end it (gas, drive-thru, rest area). If you get out at a stop, the seat is still yours as long as you're back in it before the engine starts.
12	Two Trips, Not One. Going there and coming home are two separate trips. Winning shotgun on the way to Grandma's means nothing on the way back. When the calls for the trip home may be made is covered by Amendment I.
13	Duties of the Front Seat. Shotgun isn't only a seat. It's a job. The front passenger reads the map, watches for the exit, hands the snacks back, unwraps things for the driver, and keeps the driver company after dark. If you fall asleep, you keep the seat, but you lose your radio request (Rule 14), and you have to hear about it.
14	The Radio. The radio belongs to the driver. Shotgun may make one request per hour. The request may be denied. (When Mom drives, the request is always denied, because it is always the oldies station, and she says she likes "knowing the words." When Jeffrey drives, it's his tapes, all the way.)
15	No Calling It for Somebody Else. You can't call shotgun for another person. You can't call it "for whoever's oldest." You can't call it for Grandma, because Grandma doesn't need it (Rule 8), and it makes you look like you're sucking up.
16	Shotgun Is Not for Sale. It can't be sold, traded or rented, for money, chores, dessert, or Pokémon cards, now or in the future. (See the Futures Case.)
17	★ The Air Bag Rule. Nobody 12 or under rides in the front seat, because of the air bag. It says so on the sun visor, and Mom has read it out loud to us more than once. Jamie is 12 until October. Jamie may still call shotgun, and if he wins, the seat goes to whoever called it second, and Jamie gets his choice of window in the middle row. Everybody agrees this isn't fair to Jamie. It's still the rule. He has a countdown on the calendar in his room.
18	★ Carsickness. A person who is actually carsick may be moved by a parent to wherever the parent decides. Carsickness has to be confirmed by Mom, who can tell. Pretending to be carsick costs you your choice of seat for the next three trips, and you sit where you're put.
19	The Permit Rule. When I drive on my learner's permit, Mom or Dad sits next to me. That isn't shotgun. That's supervision, and it doesn't go on anybody's record. (Dad holds on to the handle over the door the whole time. I've told him this is not necessary. He says it's comfortable.)
20	★ Church. No calling shotgun in the church parking lot until everybody has shaken hands with Pastor and we are past the flower beds. Yelling "SHOTGUN" while people are still coming down the steps is not how we were raised.
21	The Sleeping Passenger. If the person in the front seat falls asleep, nobody can move them until the next stop. Waking somebody up to take their seat is not a legal move. Anything you were planning to do to a sleeping person with a marker is against a different set of rules, which are Mom's, and which are not posted, because everybody already knows them.
22	Everybody in the Back. When Mom says "Everybody in the back," everybody gets in the back. This rule beats every other rule on this page, and every call, including calls that were completely legal. (Mom says she'd never use it on Grandma, which makes Rule 8 the only rule that's safe from Rule 22.) See In re the Cooler.

AMENDMENTS RATIFIED THIS SUMMER
An amendment passes when two brothers and one parent agree to it, or when Mom says so, whichever comes first.

AMENDMENT I (ratified Sunday, June 20)
The Trip Home. Shotgun for the trip home may not be called until everybody is outside at Grandma's with their stuff, the leftovers are in the van, and Grandma has finished hugging people. Before this, Jeffrey called the trip home every single time, as we were pulling into Grandma's driveway on the way there. See Albert v. Jeffrey.

AMENDMENT II (ratified Sunday, June 27)
The Hump. When there are seven people in the van, somebody has to sit in the middle of the back row, on the hump. The person who had shotgun most recently sits on the hump. You had your turn. (There isn't an actual hump in the back of a van. It's called the hump anyway. Ask Dad, it's from when he was a kid.)

AMENDMENT III (ratified Sunday, July 11)
Ties. When two or more people call it at exactly the same time, the tie goes to the first one who can say "shotgun" backwards, correctly, out loud. It's "nugtohs." Practice it. Mom passed this one because she was tired of judging ties herself, after the Three-Way Tie.

AMENDMENT IV (ratified Sunday, July 25)
The Statute of Limitations. Nobody may bring up a shotgun argument from before June 6, 1999, when these rules took effect. What happened on the way to the beach in 1996 is over, Jeffrey. It is over.

AMENDMENT V (ratified Sunday, August 1)
Rain. When it's raining, Article I, Section 3 is suspended, and the first person to touch the front door handle of the van gets shotgun. Mom doesn't want three boys standing out in the rain yelling. See the Rain Case.

FAMOUS DISPUTED CASES

Ten cases have been decided since the rules took effect. Here are three. The whole list, with the facts, the rulings and Mom's opinions (and one dissent from Jamie), is on the Disputed Cases page.

Jeffrey v. Albert (the Kitchen Window Case), June 20. I saw the van through the window over the sink and called it. Jeffrey was on the porch and called it two seconds later. Held: void under Rule 3. Shotgun to Jeffrey. I wrote Rule 3 myself, so this one hurt.
In re the Cooler, July 3. The cooler didn't fit in the back, so Mom buckled it into the front seat and used Rule 22. Held: the cooler had shotgun. The cooler didn't read the map.
The Futures Case, July 28. Jamie offered me all his doubles in exchange for every shotgun from his birthday until Christmas. Held: void under Rules 4 and 16.

THE SUPREME COURT OF MOM

All shotgun disputes go to Mom. Mom's rulings are final. There's technically an appeal to Dad, who is the Court of Appeals, but when you appeal to Dad, Dad says, "What did your mother say?" and then rules the same way, so in practice nobody bothers.

How the Court works:

The Court only hears cases when the car is parked. Arguing while Mom is merging is contempt of court.
Each side gets thirty seconds. Whining is counted against your thirty seconds and also against you.
"I don't want to hear it" means the Court has declined to hear the case, and the seat stays with whoever is in it.
"Do you want me to turn this car around?" is not a real question and should not be answered. (Jamie answered it on June 20. See the Disputed Cases page.)
The Court can make up a new rule in the middle of a case, and it applies right away, including to the case.
The Court is never wrong, but sometimes, a day or two later, the Court says, "I've been thinking about that," and that's as close as it gets.

THE RECORD
Who actually rode shotgun on the trips to Grandma's since the rules took effect

Trip	Shotgun
Sun. June 20, there	Jeffrey (Kitchen Window Case)
Sun. June 20, home	Albert (Albert v. Jeffrey)
Sat. July 3, there	The cooler
Mon. July 5, home	Albert (Three-Way Tie)
Sun. July 18, there	Jeffrey
Sun. July 18, home	Albert
Sun. Aug. 1, there	Jeffrey (Rain Case)
Sun. Aug. 1, home	Grandma (Rule 8)

Totals	Trips
Albert	3
Jeffrey	3
The cooler	1
Grandma	1
Jamie	0 (won the call twice, Rule 17 both times)
Total	8

Jeffrey and I are tied, three and three. The cooler is the only passenger with a perfect record (one for one). Grandma came home with us on August 1 and is staying all week, so as of today Rule 8 is in effect on every trip, including to the grocery store, and the whole thing is kind of peaceful, actually. It's weird.

OTHER PAGES I READ
The Society for the Recognition of Middle Children - "Not the oldest. Not the baby." That's me. They have a charter and a membership card, and an annual meeting on July 2, which I missed because I was packing the van.

I PASSED!!! Driver's Ed Disasters and My License - Sarah got her license after two road tests and one mailbox. She has a survival guide. I'm reading it before my test, and I'm not telling Dad about the mailbox.

Passengers who have read the rules since June 1999:

Got a shotgun case your family can't settle? Send it in. I'll rule on it, but my rulings aren't final. Your mom's are.
[email protected]

Last updated Saturday, August 7, 1999
Disputed Cases · Route 66